For me, I don't care if I have to ask a lot of questions to get to the bottom of something; I will. In my opinion, our society is pretty f*cked up that we don't even know what being faithful and being loyal means. Especially when it comes to relationships. You will, not always, but most likely stray. Even if it's just innocent flirting. When you have a boyfriend/girlfriend you don't show interest in anyone else but them and only them. I see it happening to my friends, I see my friends doing it to other people, I see it happening to people I know, people I love, etc. There are just too many people in this world who do not respect themselves, leaving them to not even respecting others. When I'm with someone and I see that they have the ability to stray, I simply just drop them. It shows me that they're not worth it to even stick with. I will never, and I mean never, will cheat on my significant other. Why? Because, I have respect for myself and the person that I am with. If you don't love/like them anymore then leave.
Hell, they said that the way you see/view relationships is mostly influenced by your parent's view of relationships. My mom was cheated on by my dad when I was 8. She has been a single mother even until now. She have had boyfriends, but even then, it's not the same. Even though my dad is back in our lives, their relationship does not exist. Love failed her in every way possible. When she needed it the most, it was not there to help her up, it did not feed her kids, it did not pay for her car or the house we were living in. She did it all on her own, by herself, with no one's help. That is called being independent. That is what I want to be like. That is why I do not depend on another guy to make me happy and maybe, just maybe, that's why I don't allow anyone to have a hold of my heart because in the back of my head, I just know no one is ever going to make me happier than I do and no one is going to be there for me than I will and I just know that eventually...people leave.
When I was with Kevin...we were so perfect for each other. He was the love of my life, and I was just so in love with him. IN LOVE. I didn't just love him as a person, I was completely head-over-heels in love with him. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want him to eat up my time, my ego, and my life. I wasn't infatuated either. I knew it was real love because in that moment I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to not be with anyone else but him. I didn't want to wake up without him besides me and go to sleep without him next to me. That, I know, was love. But then this one day, this one specific day...I was on his computer and his aim history showed up because apparently he didn't exit it after he was done talking, and there it was. His convo with another girl who he was seeing back then. The things consisted in the convo was just, heartbreaking. And from that day and that moment, my heart left him. We were together for another 6-8 months but nonetheless, I didn't love him anymore. I couldn't. I was too hurt, too betrayed, too fed up. I was done. And although I still loved him as a person with every fiber in my body, I just couldn't do it anymore. I knew I deserved better and I knew I was never going to tolerate someone who could've strayed away from me.
I think my relationship with him influenced me a lot as well. For a whole year, almost two, I was single. I was extremely happy and satisfied with myself. I didn't have to please anyone but myself. I didn't have someone be reckless with my heart and neither was I with their's. I didn't have to worry about anyone but me. I got to focus on myself, meet new people, did a lot of things I didn't do but should've done when I was with him. I healed and I came out stronger.
I know I may be tough sometimes, and I may get suspicious and start questioning things and not believe in a lot of things, but it's who I am. I was molded this way because of all the things I actually went through from my own experiences. I don't think I'll be in love anytime soon. Not only for the fact that I am still young, but because I don't think I'll encounter someone who I would really want to love. Not until a long time from now.
