lovelovelove,

Start of the day at Orange Circle + Antique Stores.Little niece's birthday later at night,my two faves, patrick and adrienne<3

my mainsqueezes<3

the cuzzzzos =)the end of the night, love my guys so much<3

Summer has been nothing but amazing =) It's not over until I say it's over! Still living up these past few days with the ones I love until school starts all over again for them and I won't be able to see them as much.

Anyway, I cutted my bangs couple days ago, straight-blunt bangs. Most of the time I always end up wishing I didn't cut them but after awhile I really like them. Especially now that I know how to style it correctly and cut them better. I also dyed my hair plum red which I would rather have it be more purple but it's okay, I like being risky because sometimes the result turns out better than you expect it to be.

No more gym for me, gladly to say though that I still have my Paul Frank cruiser which I am planning to ride more often! I really want a job but it's just my age that makes it difficult to be hired anywhere, I'm still persistent though and hoping I'll get hire. I don't just apply anywhere, I'm really not that desperate and I know a job is a job but why work at a place that you know you'll hate and will dread working there. It'll just make your life miserable. I rather work at places I know the environment or is familiar to what I'm associating with so cross fingers still I'll get hired soon =) Plus everyone is going back to school so more chances of me getting hired and I can easily take morning shifts with the convenient hours of school I have.



-You make me feel like I'm worth the trouble =)

It's not bros over hoes or chicks over dicks, it's whoever has your back that matters.

I'm the kind of girl who will always have my friends back, no matter what. I'm really protective of my friends when it comes to relationships because I know that they deserve only the best and I want them to be happy. They don't deserve how they get treated sometimes. I can honestly be the nicest person in the world but it urks me when I see how hurt my friends are. It's really on them what they want to do with the relationship and how they handle/deal with it but if I keep seeing them get hurt and they don't stand up for themselves, I will do something about it. Everyone is like that, I'm sure no one wants to see one of their bestest friends constantly get hurt by some major douchebag so of course, our instinct is to have their back. I'm not one to blow things out of proportion, ever, but I'm always down for my friends. You break their heart, I will break your face.

everything is never as it seems,

I need to go on an eat-a-sh*t-load diet or something. I hate when everyone gives me sh*t for my weight or tell me I'm too skinny when I actually think I'm really fit since I do work out a lot and I'm active. I just have the worst eating habits since I'm always lazy to eat. Plus I don't restrict myself from food, I really do eat a lot, but depends on what it is because I'm somewhat picky when it comes to food. I just like what I like and want them how I want them. Right now, I need a Big Mac. Too much things are in the back of my head and I don't want to think about it.

I don't know how you could say to my friend that you're hurt and that you really messed up when clearly, if you would've told me that yourself then there still could've been a chance between us. Well that was two months ago, I'm sure you don't feel the same anymore. Just like I said, my heart has left, and no one can get their hands on it. My mentality when it comes to guys is that I don't need them. In a way, I think my mom being a single mother really impacted me on being independent and alone without needing a guy because if my mom can do all of these things by herself and take on big challenges all by herself then so can I. I really don't play hard to get, I don't act like I'm too good, I just know my worth and know that I deserve the best and only the best. Guys who get intimidated too easily by me needs to grow a back bone if they want to be with someone at all.


"Quit falling so easily Jenn, you know better." -subconscious.

go with zeeee flow,

I don't want to like you, I just don't. I don't know. You're different from me, but I mean, all the guys who are the total opposite of me are the ones who attracts me the most. Sometimes it's a good thing because it keeps things interesting but it's terrible when our mindset is completely different and I have different values/morals. But we're sooo chill though, I like our friendship. It's always funny to clown on you but I just hate hearing about your hook-ups because honestly, I can't stand that scandalous ordeal. And it's not as if it was last month, it was daysss ago. I hate guys who flirt around with girls and I hate even more, guys who "hook up." It's like, how can I have a relationship with someone if I don't even know if it's a fling or not to them. I think it's really best if we remain friends and nothing more. I pretty much rather have the friendship than to be with them and end up breaking up and not having the friendship at all. We'll just see, Summer's almost over and I know that we won't hang out as much anymore...buttttt, you do live kind of close to me. I guess if I ever want to be with someone, I need to look past their mistakes and habits, and what they did and have done, otherwise I'll just constantly look back on the past and won't allow myself to see more into the future.

Well everyone just left my house right now, it was a pretty fun night. Guppy's with everyone then back to my house to chill, real talk some more. I really want it to be like this every single day...

the best,

It's funny because when my family goes home and I'm not home yet, the first thing they assume is that I left to Vegas! I'm always down for Vegas but not in the 105 degree weather. California is getting hot right now, imagine Vegas which happens to be next to the desert. I actually can't wait for Winter to come, I'm pretty excited =) That means snowboarding and cabining at Big Bear!

I'm craving for some Thai Tea from Seaside.


A lot of days seem like a blur to me, it happens, I have fun then I don't even remember doing it. I'll recap some of the main events of this week =)

Sunday: Went to Tam's house to have a movies night, which happened to not be a movies night at all! I came over first then Dustin, Son, and Jennifer Hua. We weren't supposed to drink because Tam wanted a clean free night but somehow alcohol was eventually involved when everyone else came. Played flipped cup, which we won the last round =) Everyone got pretty rowdy and we just all messed around and hung out the whole night. Everyone left pretty early around 1ish and I didn't get home until 3 AM.

Monday: Celebrated Kat's birthday at the Angels game! I loveee the Angels, I swear I am such a sports fanatic which makes me anticipate for the Super Bowl. Kat, Kim, Dotty, Tiffy and I went to the game around 7, they ended up losing to the Tigers 10-7 =( I love the Jumbotron, it's so cheesy and cute =) Afterward heading to Dave & Busters, ate, played games then headed home early around 12 because Tiffy had work the next day.

Tuesday: Diana came over and we just played all day, talked, talked, talked =) BBQ, really buzzing it and it was funny because she hasn't drank for a long time, took a lot of pictures then around 2 AM Tin and Tristan came and picked us up =) Adventure to Seaside and just real talk in the car before we got dropped off, got in the house around 4:30ish. It was a really good night though, I always love talking to them =)

Wednesday: Kat's actual birthday, had some bomb Korean food =) Too bad I don't really like meat so I didn't eat as much. Played around, watched Happy Tree Friends, did hair, and talk. Really chill day =) I can't wait to work because I want to take Kat out to eat to make up for her birthday! Then later around 3 AM, Kim dropped me off at Sammy's to sleepover. I kept having to wake up Tinado because Jle knocked out and Sammy went to eat at Denny's =( Tried to make Tinado stay up with me while I was watching Casino Royale again but he fell back asleep everytime, when Sammy got home around 4 talked to her until 6 in the morning then totalllllly KOed.

Thursday: I had to wake up at 10 AM to meet up with my kim, my mom and her friend to eat Dim Sum for her friend son's birthday. Dotty picked me up from Sammy's and everyone was still sleeping when I left, I was sososo tired =( Met up with everyone, ate then basically just had family day until my mom left to work at 7. Kim and I went to go see UP since I'm probably the only person in the world who hasn't seen it then right when the previews were over and the movie came on, Kim and I realized THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME we were sitting in the wrong movie theater. We were sitting in Transformers for the longest time and when we finally went in the right theater UP was already playing for 30 minutes so I didn't want to watch it and it was the last show. Went to get Joe's Italian Ice, sooo yummy =) Then headed home around 12 and then we went driving, well Kim was teaching me how to drive =) I thought I did pretty well considering it was my first time really driving. Tin was supposed to pick me up but he couldn't take out the car so he said he will try tomorrow, which is today! =) It's so hot and I feel too lazy to do anything so I might just finish alllll of my homework so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow when I go to my niece's birthday and to Michelle's birthday party =) Yayyy, major playtime!

Summer is almost over and yet I still feel like there's more I just have to do. I'm going to really miss it because this Summer has been so amazing, I know that once school comes back I can still go out and play whenever I want since Summer is like everyday for me but it's everyone else who has school and will be busy while I have a lot of time on my hands. Hopefully I get my job, I haven't gotten a called yet but hopefully I will soon. I'm going to make the next few weeks the craziest weeks of my life and live up Summer before it's over =)

live for those nights that turn into mornings,

I feel like there is never enough time in the day to do everything, or even to do anything. I just want to do absolutely everything! But I assume in some aspects it's a good thing to feel like this because it means I'm having such a great time that time flies by so fast. I had a great night though, I don't know what it was. Real talks with the guys? Getting to spend time with my twin? Finally being away from my usual daily environment? Maybe even finally having my mind set on something else? I don't know, but I wish tonight lasted longer or I could do it every single night. I feel so hesitant, and it's not normal for me to feel like this. RIGHT NOW, like exactly right now, I just feel absurd and I want to dance on my bed and jump into someone's arms. I, like, this, feeling. Quite a lot. Careless I might say but I can't stop thinking about it. My heart is jumping in circles and I feel restless...just completely restless. I'm happy, I liked the talk in the car, I liked tonight, it was really different. I love my friends<3


School's coming back and we should not start something we know we won't finish. I'm not going to set myself up for disappointment no matter how much my heart tells me it's going to be okay because deep down, it is everything I want, but it's everything I don't need right now.

sunshine sunshine, I feel it in my skin, warmin' up my mind.

Yesterday was soooo amazingly fun for me, so much better than the day before. It reallllllly made up for the terrible night I had. I had so much fun, bonding, playing with my friends, and messing around with them. They're so silly and they make me so happy when I'm with them. It's truely amazing, sometimes I feel as if some of my friends aren't down for what they say, but when it all comes down to it, they appreciate and have so much love for me. It was one of those nights where I just feel sooooo alive and is so happy to be surrounded by good company of others.

I love real talk with the guys, like I would not ever trade my friendship with my guy friends for a girl best friend or a close girlfriend. I don't care that I have more guy friends than girls, if I'm at my best and happiest with them then that's all that matters. Whenever they ask me if I'm ever going to give someone a chance, I just straight out tell them,"no, I don't want to be with anyone." I don't want to have someone complete me or make me happy, or have the dependency of my happiness from another person. I got my own thing and I rather keep doing my own thing. Plus, if I'm not happy then why would I want more weight on my shoulders by adding a relationship to it. Right now, I am extremely happy, I always am by the end of the day but I have other things I need to worry about. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't wait around for anyone. My feet is always constantly moving, it keeps going forward, just keep going and going and going nonstop. That's just me. My heart moves ten times faster, it just keeps moving on and on. Nothing is worth for me to stay and take a chance on or to look at and analyze. I don't wait around because I feel like no one deserves my time, talk about deserving my all, no one has gain that from me. I may find someone interesting but once my heart has left, it's gone. I don't want to hesitate about leaving things behind because I know it's for the best.

I don't know why good girls like me, find bad guys like you interesting. I guess I can say this for all of the girls who ever liked an a**hole or douchebag, we just like the challenge. It's the chase, it's the adrenaline, it's just the challenge that makes it interesting. You're not an ass or a douchebag though which is the good part because you're so nice and good all around. Just, not my type of guy. But it doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine, so when a good thing is happening, I'm not going to pass it up.

It's true, they say that you don't know what you have until it's gone but you also don't know what you're missing until it arrives. I'm too blessed to be stressed<3

time for a change,

I need change. Changes that will keep my mind completely occupied. Changes that will better me. Changes that will do nothing but better my life. Changes that I have been afraid of changing. I am dyeing my hair once again, no more light brown with a few highlights, I am going for a big change. What color? You'll see, I'll post pictures of my hair once I get it done. And I constantly cut my own hair so I'm always going to change it or find something new to do with it. I also hope I get my job, I know it's not easy and I always procrastinate on turning in the applications but I want to change that to. That's the point in life, taking risks and living on the edge, as long as you don't fall off. I'm the kind of person who don't dwell on things, of course there are things that hurts me but once I get over it, it's long gone and not in my life anymore.

I'm doing it for no one but myself.

Stephen King,

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When a secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."

Sometimes even when things are so hard for me to say or do, I just do it anyway because I know it's for the best. I know that I can't just be selfish and keep things to myself for the fact I'm scared to be unhappy. I have to think about others as well, and for that, I want you to be happy. Yeah you may not appreciate my genuineness or even my effort of trying to be there but for the most part, I know I tried and if it's not good enough then it isn't. I may humiliate myself, hurt myself, or even fall sometimes but I know that everything is always worth it. Maybe it was incredibly stupid of me to try and talk to you but at least I did something I wanted to without hesitation. I really miss you, I do. I miss us, I miss your mom, I miss your grandma and grandpa, I miss being able to hang out with Jennifer and Eric whenever I want even when you would leave to go play with your friends. I miss Twinkle, Moonshine, playing with your aunt and talking to her so easily. I just wish somehow, things would be easier for us. For us to finally be friends again. I mean it doesn't have to be this hard...does it?

writer's block,

I hate when I have something really important to write/say, then I wait it out to write it down the next day. Eventually I just end up with not even having any recollection of what it involves but I know it was a good idea or was important. Shows that you shouldn't wait for things.

The morning of yesterday the guys picked me up around 5 AM to hang out at Chris' house and we played Halo foreverrrrr =) Then went to play ball at Tin Dinh's house from 9 until 11 since he had work. Went home and slept in until 5 PM. Around 6 head out to the Mazda meet with Johnny by Signal Hill. Honestly, the only Madza I will ever be interested in is a Miata which I love and still want to get. I just wasn't as interested because none of the cars excites me. When I saw the Mazda speed and I heard the turbo, that was the onlyyyyyy time I was like completely heads over heels. Turbo is like music to my ears, I loveeeeee it. After the meet, chilled with the others and talked about Vegas. I was really unsure of going because it's so last minute and I hate when things are last minute especially when it comes to something big. It was only going to be 5 of us who was going and I just wasn't up for it with that little people. Went home around 11 PM then around 1 AM Brandon, Andy and Steven picked me up to go to the gym. I haven't gone to the gym for a week almost two but it was a very good workout. Did cardio work outs then swam/steam room afterward. Didn't get home until 3:30 and totally just knock the efff out. Dotty and Kat are leaving to San Fran tomorrow so I won't see them until next Monday for the Angel's game which I'm totally excited for =) My little niece's birthday is next Saturday also which means more family get together with my relatives! August is packed with events and then September 14th is around the corner. My heart awaits for Taking Back Sunday!

Tried Mochilato today for the first time, I don't know what the hype is all about but it's only their mochi that is good. In my honest opinion, don't ever get the shaved ice because it's not that yummy! Thanks Kat by the way =) And if you like pastry goods then 85 Degree in Irvine has plenty of varieties of baked goods. If you haven't tried Joe's Italian Ice then you should, I absolutely love that place and must go every Summer =) I also hope I get my job, *cross fingers*! School's coming back for everyone and my schedule is always convenient so I know working won't be that bad since I can pretty much balance it out time wise.

I don't know what's really the problem but I get critical around guys who flirt with me and I just call them out on the spot. I really don't want someone to flirt with me one day, then the next they're repeating the same thing to someone else. Like it makes it that much harder to really even like someone because you don't know what their intentions are with you so all you see it as is harmless flirting but no relationship together. I mean, that really is what flirting is right? I can really say I don't flirt, besides the fact I don't really know how, but I just rather be the one who's wanted than be the one to want someone else. I think guys need to get real if they want to be with someone because by now no girls will fall for the same lines they use over and over. At least I don't, I'm just being real with it.

So your birthday is tomorrow, I really hope you have a good one<3

“ In the end, it’s still best to wait for the one we want rather than settle for what’s available. It’s still best to wait for the one you love rather than to settle for the one who’s around. It’s still best to wait for the right person, because life’s too short to waste on the wrong one."

so futuristic,

Yesterday was the first time I admitted to someone else, other than to myself and the people I'm closest to, that I do still love him. I'm not in denial, I can admit it. But the thing is...everything have changed so much. He has, I have, things and situations are definitely different now. There's nothing to do but to move on when things aren't like before. It's true though, he is/was the bestest boyfriend I ever had and because he's the first guy I ever loved, he determines the rest of the guys I'm with or get to know later on. I do think about him often, only because I feel like we have so much unfinished business left, but for now, until that day we can finally be friends and talk to each other again, I'm going to continue my life with or without him.


I'm not allowing myself to get closer to you even though that is all I want. You know the saying, whatever happen happens or when they'll come they'll come? Well, I'm just pushing you away because I don't want anything to happen even though it's gradually happening right now. I have felt like this before and I did miss a great opportunity to be with someone who honestly treated me so well. I guess in some aspects, when something is too much of a good thing, I'm scared to be happy because what if I get too caught up being happy then if it ends I'll just be miserable. I know, I know, life's not based on what-ifs and maybes. I know I shouldn't be scared of all the things that could go wrong and start thinking about all the things that could go right...but I just can't. It will take so much more for me to let down my guards. I don't want a Summer fling, I don't want flings, period. I don't even want to be in a relationship for that matter. Although at times I want someone but I'm the kind of person who wants to be emotionally attached to someone if I'm with them. I'm not ready to worry about another person, I'm not ready to have my heart handled by someone else, I'm not ready to trust, to feel, to have them always in the back of my mind. I want to focus on myself. I don't want that half-ass relationship either. I want to miss them, want them, be sad if they're sad, listen to their concerns, not just have my body want them but have my heart and soul want them. Sometimes it's not even being with someone that I miss. It's the reassurance, the security, the comfort zone. It's the things you do with them that you miss because you're so used to doing it. Having someone who you can fall asleep with and knowing the next morning, they'll still be right next to you. Someone who would play Halo with you nonstop and help you get over your fears. Someone who makes you feel so alive to the point where even if it hurts you, it's all worth it. That passionate crazy mediocre love that everyone wants but never get to the point of. That's what I miss. Not the terrible fights, the punching walls, the biking for miles just to get away, the throwing phones on the floor or screaming in public. But all in all, I just want someone I can just be myself with and be crazy to, be flawed to and have them love me simply just for me.

The greatest irony of love is having someone so right for you,
but at the wrong time...

1. You have to be at least 5 inches taller than me.
2. If you can make me smile, you really can make me do anything.
3. I don't like long walks on the beach. I rather walk on the pier.
4. I feel my best when I look great.
5. Consideration is what I look most in people. And genuineness.
6. I hate when people are mean to me. So don't be or you're out of my life.
7. I'm not hard-headed, I'm pretty patient and understanding.
8. But I am a smart girl, I just need thicker skin.
9. If we have the same taste in music, you're already halfway there.
10. Guys who do drugs will never make it in my book. And smoking is beyond unattractive.
11. Cars is my kind of language...talk AE86 to me. Ha ha ha<3
12. Never blunt, always respectfully straight-forward.
13. In my ideal world, I would have 3 boyfriends. Edward Norton, Andy Samberg, and Milo Ventimiglia.
14. I love dogs, be an animal person and I'll be heads over heels.
15. Don't let me eat chocolate a lot, you would save my life.
16. I hate massages. They're terrible. They really hurt.
17. My tattoos will consist of my inspirations, most of them are idols from the past.
18. Small girl, big heart. Small body, but I like to take on big challenges.
19. I'm a big procrastinator. Big time. Laziness always gets the best of me.
20. Hands down, I'm too proud for love.

no more,

Being nice. I realized that no matter how nice I am, people will always see that in me and try to get the best of me. Or for the most part take advantage of me. I thought I had thick skin and I have always been stubborn but I guess somewhere along the way I grew from being bitter and stubborn to trying to be the most understanding person in the world. I need thicker skin...I honestly really do. But I need to take little steps and right now, I'm going to take one big step. Getting you out of my life. We can never be friends. Please leave me alone, I don't need someone like you who won't benefit or make my life better. No one disrespects me like that. Treat people how you want to be treated. I don't tolerate bullshit and I'm living my life fine and happy without you. I will never stoop to your level and being bitter towards you won't do any good for me so the best thing is for us to not talk, ever. This will be the last and only blog I will write about you. Hope you the best with life.

I love my sister to death, she's seriously my best friend. And everyone who's there for me and protect me, it makes me really appreciate what others are willing to go through just for me. I will always be down for my friends and have their back no matter what the circumstances are. That's just how I am. If they're there for me, I'll do it in return. I will always try to be there and do the best I can to help out my friends whenever they need me. Distance is always a problem but the effort is the thing that always counts. I love my twin<3

By the way, happy birthday Steven Bao The Bui! =)


Summer events I can't wait for: bonfire, playnights at tin dinh's house, Angel's game, cruise, Vegas one last time (maybe) with mis amigos<3 And dude, I should've went to Rock The Bells! Khanh went and I heard it was soooo good/fun. The line up was great too! =( But Chris told me Common didn't show up since Ice Cube was there, they need to make up already so I can see them both perform at the same event! That would be so epic. Hip Hop Festival already please!

It's funny when everyone always jump on the bandwagon when something new comes out. Now it's happening to The Time Traveler's Wife, I really hope it does not get overrated. I do understand some people like it because they just like it but everything doesn't need to be a hype and when people make it a hype, it's nothing new or special anymore. People need to keep things fresh. Originality is best and I'm sure you guys all agree with me. That's just me in a nutshell.

there's always two sides,

Before you start pointing fingers and telling someone I'm "scandalous," take a look at yourself. I will never judge another person or call them names so I appreciate it if you don't put a label on me. You don't have anything else against me so you say stuff like that about me. I really do have more class than most girls around here. I know that for a fact. I'm far from what's considered scandalous. I know my worth, I know myself as a person and it's not even like I go around flirting with guys or try to talk to them. All my guys are all my close friends that I chill with, some are like my brothers, I'm my own person. Really, I shouldn't need to explain myself because you're not even worth for me to even talk to but I'm setting the record straight. Yeah, I'm blogging about it but I know it's because you read my blogs. I don't care what people say about me, honestly I can really say I don't care because there are rumors, there are truths, there are opinions and perspectives. They're all just from another person, but I know who I am, I know what I am, what I'm not. I really am a great person, I know it. Even if sometimes I make mistakes or I have my flaws but all in all, I'm a great person and really, I never said anything bad about you since we ended to anyone. But like I said, it's your opinion. Your perspective, what you say, feel, think is how YOU feel. I'm not here to prove everyone wrong, I just know who I am. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can't do shit to me.

I think it's ridiculous when people lie to me just so I can fight their battles for them. They make up all of these absurd stories for me to hate someone they hate because they can't own up to their words. There's a fine line from being completely fake, talking sh*t, and being completely disrespectful. I AM NONE OF THE ABOVE AND I CAN SAY THAT STRAIGHT UP FROM THE GET-GO. I have respect for everyone, even if I don't know them, even if I do know them, even if they don't like me and I don't like them. I won't ever run my mouth about someone because that's complete disrespect. That's why I don't run with that many girls because they talk too much. I believe that everything does happen for a reason. Made some amends and cleared things up yesterday. Gladly though, I don't mean no disrespect towards anyone, and like I said there's always two sides to every story. I'm glad I can let go of friendships that isn't worth my time because in the end, I only truly appreciate those that are real to me and are there for me 'til the very end.

Yesterday night was so fun, it was adventure adventure and nonstop adventure. I hope Sonic had fun though for his birthday =) I totallllly own at King's Cup, that's like my game! We got Sonic really good and I guess he kept tripping out because we all kept making fun of him. I had so much fun with everyone and when I look at it, Summer's coming to an end for everyone but it's all good. I'm making the best of it. The view in Laguna Beach is so nice at 6 AM, I want to just go there everyday until the sun rises =)

My summer loves is: off the shoulder shirts, racerback tanks (I can never get enough. I have always loved it, I can wear it in the Summer, Winter, Spring, whatever!) Joe's Italian Ice, late nights to Seaside, talks that last for hours, the company of my friends and ohana<3

Playtime with my twinnn right now =) peaceasssy.

"

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You could have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

history in the making,

I had a long and interesting talk with my mom and kim the other night, it was one of those talks where it could just go on and on. My mom talked about my grandpa, and I never knew my grandpa or have any recollection of him because I was still a baby when he passed away, but my mom talked about our French roots which was really interesting because I never looked into it before. I feel as if I need to get more in touch with my culture and my heritage. I should really be proud of being French because not a lot of people have that in their background and I'm lucky enough to be both French and Viet. I don't know why I didn't bother asking my mom sooner about it, but it occurred to me just a couple days ago when people asked me if I was partially white. It was amazing getting to know my mom's childhood more because she never talked about it to my sisters and I as much. The only thing we knew or talked about the most was how my parents got together. It saddens me to see my mom alone even though she can still date but she chooses not to because she's scared my dad wouldn't approve. The sweetest thing she said was,"I'm getting older, I want to grow old with someone and just be happy." That really made my heart melt. I don't see why she needs my dad's approval of being with anyone because they're not together anymore. They got their own lives and I just want my mom to be happy because she really deserves it.

This Summer I said I would reinvent myself, but really, I'm just going to continue being me but better myself each day. I don't need to find myself because I know who I am and who I want to be, I just need to look more into my background and appreciate where I come from. It's not even as if I was embarrass of what race I am, somewhere along the way I just forgot and it never occurred to me enough for me to talk about it often.

This makes me want to travel the world even more and learn about everything. I really want my trip to Kenya with Kim to follow through next Summer so we can learn more about other people's life styles and help them out. I really want to be active and do things to help the world and make it a better place. One of the things Kim and I say we will do every year is sign up for The Race for the Cure to help those who have gone through/going through cancer. I'm glad I have someone with the same values as me and who wants to help out as much as I do so I don't have to do all of these alone because I know she'll always be by my side<3

I love my family, hands down they are my absolute everything. It's enough that we have problems with other people so we don't need problems in the family but when someone is being selfish and crosses the line, I will put you back in your place. It's sad because people think I have only two older sisters and when they find out I have another one they ask me how come we don't talk about her. But it's true, I am not proud of her. I despise her as a person and at times I don't even think she's a human being. She will always be my sister but when someone treats me badly and treat all of my sisters and my mom like sh*t, I will not tolerate it. I swear, I'm the youngest but I'm not afraid to stick up for myself because I'm not going to allow someone to disrespect me and walk all over me. My skin has gotten thicker and I can care less what people say, if they're wrong, they are wrong. You don't allow someone to be wrong, it's like encouraging them to constantly make mistakes. After today, after this morning, I can care less what she does and who she is. I'm so nice and I have always got her back, throughout everything I've done I have always gotten my families back no matter what because family is always first for me. But she doesn't treat anyone one of my sisters and my mom like we're her family so be it. She can put me down all she wants because I'm better as a person than she'll ever be because she thinks too highly of herself that she's better than everyone only for the fact she has money. MONEY DOES NOT MEAN SH*T TO ME, RESPECT DOES. I rather have my family whom I love so much with me by the end of the day even if we may not have everything, then have everything in this world and not have my family.

Today's talk was sort of uncalled for, but I really appreciate everything and everyone looking out for me. I know I'm the youngest and I'm always wild that's why everyone's scared of what trouble I might be getting myself in but I'm much smarter than that and always know what I'm doing. I go out with my friends because I want to have fun and live my life, plus they do make me happy, doesn't make me one of them or exactly like them though. I'm glad I got my morals and values straight because I know who I am as a person to not do the things I wouldn't ever be proud of. Honestly, I'm just so used to being emotionally independent that's why I don't ever come to anyone about my problems. It's just how I am because I've grown up to be like that. It's hard for me to open up to others and tell them my deepest concerns. I learn not to depend on others to make my problems go away or make me happy because I want to do it all on my own. One thing about me is that I never ask for help, I never ever ever do. School, problems, boys, hair, this and that, I just don't. I know I should because I need help and sometimes I end up in a rut or hit rock bottom but I rather learn and fall and make mistakes on my own than rely on others to help me out. It's true, I don't like limitations so I rebel. But I'm just living my life and I don't regret anything I do.

I live my life for me.

stuck where we are,

One thing about me is that I am always down for my friends. Always always always. I love them. I guess you can say I got a big heart because forgiveness is always my weakest point. You can hurt me, kick me, hate me, push me, knock me down, whatever; I'll still find it in myself to just be the best person I can be. Not only for myself but for others. I love being the girl everyone comes to with problems or just need an ear, someone to pick up the pieces and help them out when they need. And honestly, I don't need it in return. Yeah I've come to many conclusions where it's not worth to put effort in friendships where they don't put the same effort back. I think all of us knows what that feels like. But in the end, I just want to be there because I feel like if there's a day where I hate them or never want to see them again because if anything ever occurs to them, I don't want to regret being mad or resenting them. I want to be there, to help them out, or even congratulate them and just be the bigger person and bestest friend I can be for them.

You were one of my closest friend and I was always there for you through everything with this girl and that girl. Then you let it all slip away...you never even cleared things up with me and whenever I see you, you don't even talk to me. Now you want to walk back into my life? You hurt me, you really did, you lied, you kept things from me, you weren't there for me through all of the bullsh*t I went through for you...I want to be the bigger person and just set it all aside because I can always forgive people, but maybe it'll take me much longer to forgive you because you really left me hanging on our friendship.

I promise myself to never be bitter, not bitter towards anyone and most of all, not be bitter in my heart and in my mind.

Thank you guys for appreciating me when I don't even appreciate myself. Yesterday was one of the craziest nights ever...I had a lot of fun though for Henry's birthday which I'm glad the party lasted a lot longer than I expected. I love meeting new people who are really sweet and nice to me =) Everyone tried to get me drunk but thank goodness I paced myself which I'm glad I can handle a lot of alcohol. I'm glad Amanda and I talked again when I saw her. Someone wrote on my arm their number...and I'm for sure it was a girl. I even remember telling these girls who kept hugging me to "get off my nuts." Ha ha ha. I hope everything was alright after the party was over though. I really hate immature people who starts fights. I really do get scared although at times I act like I'm not but I never want to see any of my guys get hurt. Everyone tells me I need to be more careful. I see myself getting in things I shouldn't but I felt like the right thing to do was to be there for my friends. I love them to death, no doubt about it. Afterward when to Seaside, I keep saying I get sick of that place easily but I completely love it. The atmosphere, everything about it. Makes my mind feel at ease.

When I saw you, and even when you were around any girl, it didn't bother me. I found it in myself to just be happy for you because that's what someone who cares does. Be happy for the other person. I'm really surprise how not awkward it is but I guess things are only awkward when people make it awkward. All I ever wish is for you to be happy and I'm glad I can say that and really mean it.

You didn't even care when I asked if you were okay after you got home. When you got hit I was scared freaking sh*tless out of my freaking mind...you had no freaking idea. I ran to hold you back because I didn't want to see you get hurt. All you cared about was the same thing over and over again. You are such an ass in my book right now...but I can't be mad at you. You always find someway or somehow to ease your way to my good side, the side I don't show anyone right away. Ughhk.

There are many fishes in the sea...
but my ship has sail. I don't want to give anyone a chance. That's all there is to it. I'm so sorry.

Rest in paradise,

“I know its a big claim, but I already believe I’m better then 2Pac was. At this point I feel like I could out-rhyme anyone from Biggie to Pun. The people know what it is I’m not cocky, but if you analyze the rhymes I think you’d agree,”-Drake.

All these whack emcees and big stars claiming they're better than this and that when they're just big now, nothing but a one hit wonder. YOU CAN NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO TUPAC. Yet again, we've lost another great rapper, rest in paradise Baatin. One of the greatest rapper ever lived. I recognize sunshine when I see it, so let him shine on.

"Slum Village forever." -Talib Kweli<3

“ Jealousy, we got to swallow it. Your heart & mind baby follow it. Smile, happiness you could model it. & when you feel opposite.. I just want you to know, your whole being is beautiful. I’m going to do the best I can do, ‘cause I’m the best when I’m with you. Common

close the blinds,

I'm hiding from the sun today.

There are days where I am just tired from the world. Today's one of those days...I feel not aggravated or agitated, not even irritated, but I'm just feeling like being in a nutshell.

I am terrible at the things I intentionally try to be good at but I am great at the things I don't even know I'm doing. That's just how I am.

Lately I've been feeling like going on top of a mountain or a cliff and just scream on the top of my lungs to relieve all of these emotions I've had. I don't even know if it's emotions or resentment, but I'm sure feeling something that I don't want to as well. I hate realizing things in people, things that changes everything. It's like, I try not to see someone's flaw and want to keep seeing the good in them, but that flaw just opens up to a door of even more flaws. More bad qualities, more things for me to distant myself from.

I wanted to see, something different...

I always set goals for myself and then I don't even start them. One thing I hate most about myself is that I am the biggest procrastinator ever, I win hands down for that. I always think I have so much time and then when it comes down to the last minute, I rush everything. I need to get my permit already so I can get my license. Once I get my license I'm allow to take the car whenever I want and go wherever I want. Not that I already don't do things at my own will, but I won't have to rely on anyone and I can help out more by taking my mom around or dropping my sisters off so Kim doesn't have to worry about it. The thing that hurts me the most is seeing someone I love and so close to me sad or even hurt. I would never in a million years want them to feel even feel a little bit of sadness because I don't think they deserve it. I need to take actions in what I say and do them because I keep wanting to change the world when I need to start on myself first.

I'm such a "bed" potato today. But tomorrow is Henry's birthday party so everyone's going to meet at my house and head out. I haven't seen him for the longest time but it's always nice talking to him and Jason =) I need to go ride my bike soon, I need some me time with my Paul Frank beach cruiser. Andrew never follows through with our plans...that's why at times I'm better off alone and not depend on people to be there for me because in the end, none of it matters. Next week everyone's going to Six Flags for Sonic's birthday but I think I'm going to pass that up, I'm so scared of rollercoasters so I'm just going to hang out with him another time. I can't wait for the cruise for Kat's birthday, Summer doesn't even feel like Summer for me. It feels like an everyday kind of thing. Gladly to say though, I'm really blessed and I just need to keep striving for the better.

going, going, gone.

These past few days I've been hanging out with dotty, kat and my sisters a lot. It's always drinking nights, dancing, make up tutorials, and photoshoots. Sooo fun =) I love them.

I really like the make up Dotty did for me =)

I think I'm probably the very few of the girls around here who doesn't know how to put on fake lashes. I don't understand how people can go through with wearing it everyday, it seems like such a hassle and it rips off your real lashes as well. I honestly am so grateful for my Dior Mascara. I feel like such a brat for not using it when my mom got it for me then it turns out, IT'S THE BEST MASCARA EVER. And I think I need to consider in getting a tan.

Ha ha ha<3 my sweet little niece Adrienne =) I love her<3

Currently watching My Sassy Girl, so far it's pretty cute. Days go by everything feels like it reflects on love and relationships. For me, I just want to be completely reckless and crazy and be able to be all of my bad qualities and still have someone love me regardless because they love me for me. I think it's amazing really, love; everything about it. I'm falling in love with things every single day, and there are a few things I wish I never pay attention to. I came to so many realizations about how I can't ever be with someone, at least not now or at this age. I have this image in my head where I'm on this sandy beach with no one to be seen in sight, and I'm just standing there. On a blanket, with a bunch of books and a ladder. The sky is completely gray and I'm just standing by myself. Those images keep flashing into my head every now and then. I need to do my own thing and keep going for what I want without worrying about non-mediocre things.

It's mind boggling when the only dreams I've been having lately is of your family and your grandma. I miss her so much, and in my dreams everything's normal. We're together again and I'm having lunch with your grandparents and your grandma would hug me like everytime I pop up behind her to say hi, then she always give me this stroke on my back that leads to a hug. How is that I'm getting to the point where I can finally accept the fact we both can't be in each others lives or even be friends, then all I dream about is your family. Is it a sign? If it is what kind of sign is this? It drives me nuts because I can't just have a day where something about you don't just walk back into my life. Just the other day I was folding my clothes then I came upon your Volcom shirt that I loved, and your brown tshirts that I always wear when I used to sleepover your house. I mean, really, what is going on?

My heart is at ease sometimes, but there are times where I just can't seem to catch my breath. The only time my thoughts are actually at its peace of mind is when I sit down and finally write or when I just lay in bed and blank out. I feel like this rush goes through my body every once in awhile when I find something I'm completely heads over heels with. But my mind won't take in any new information so I'm always lost. Lately, I just feel like a lost cause. In a good way...

I'm always trying to find the good in people, things, situations, problems, even disasters like myself. I take a step back, I analyze what's really going on, look at it for the good, accept it for the bad. Even though times gets hard, I put my chin up, and just run through this craziness with arms wide open. I don't want to be afraid, I don't want to be scared, I don't want to hold back on anything, I just want to go for what I want and don't stop until I finally get it.

I wantttttttt,

This really is my motivation for everything! Well, one of the few many cars I am dying to have.

I see that I am capable of many things in my life because I'm always interested in something, and when I am, my heart is really dedicated to it.


And I found out I have OCD...with brushing my teeth.

learn to love,

In two days I went to watch Harry Potter, Funny People, The Ugly Truth and 500 Days of Summer with Dotty and Kat. I enjoyed all four of the movies, Harry Potter not so much because I didn't remember the 5th one to understand the 6th one. I thought it was the 4th one the whole time I was watching it...but I did like it. I lovedddddddddd The Ugly Truth, everything about it was so true and it made me see a lot of things about guys in a different perspective. My favorite was 500 Days Of Summer, it's a must watch. Besides the girl crush I have on Zooey Deschanel, I just love the movie in general. I realized, I'm Summer Fin. My views on love and relationships is different now, my mentality has completely changed. I guess you can say...I don't want to fall in love. Or be in love. It's complex, my feeling towards love I mean. I want to say I don't believe in love but I do, I was in it and I loved another person more than I loved anything else in my life. I'm a hopeless romantic and I do believe in love but I don't want to be in it anymore. There are days though, that I wake up and I say to myself, "I miss being in love. I miss being loved by another person, I miss loving someone else." But it's true, hands down, I'm too proud for love. I don't want to be anybody's something. Not that it scares me, but if they love me then they love me, that's all that matters. I want to be my own person and independent on my own. I'm indecisive when it comes to what I want because there are times I can admit that I want something, but only to myself. And to the whole world, I act like I don't need it. I'm drastically changing and growing, good or bad, in the end I'm all I have.


There's so many things I can't wait for this year/Summer/Winter, my heart just yearn for them to come and to happen.



And I have to have to have to watch this<3