stuck where we are,

One thing about me is that I am always down for my friends. Always always always. I love them. I guess you can say I got a big heart because forgiveness is always my weakest point. You can hurt me, kick me, hate me, push me, knock me down, whatever; I'll still find it in myself to just be the best person I can be. Not only for myself but for others. I love being the girl everyone comes to with problems or just need an ear, someone to pick up the pieces and help them out when they need. And honestly, I don't need it in return. Yeah I've come to many conclusions where it's not worth to put effort in friendships where they don't put the same effort back. I think all of us knows what that feels like. But in the end, I just want to be there because I feel like if there's a day where I hate them or never want to see them again because if anything ever occurs to them, I don't want to regret being mad or resenting them. I want to be there, to help them out, or even congratulate them and just be the bigger person and bestest friend I can be for them.

You were one of my closest friend and I was always there for you through everything with this girl and that girl. Then you let it all slip away...you never even cleared things up with me and whenever I see you, you don't even talk to me. Now you want to walk back into my life? You hurt me, you really did, you lied, you kept things from me, you weren't there for me through all of the bullsh*t I went through for you...I want to be the bigger person and just set it all aside because I can always forgive people, but maybe it'll take me much longer to forgive you because you really left me hanging on our friendship.

I promise myself to never be bitter, not bitter towards anyone and most of all, not be bitter in my heart and in my mind.

Thank you guys for appreciating me when I don't even appreciate myself. Yesterday was one of the craziest nights ever...I had a lot of fun though for Henry's birthday which I'm glad the party lasted a lot longer than I expected. I love meeting new people who are really sweet and nice to me =) Everyone tried to get me drunk but thank goodness I paced myself which I'm glad I can handle a lot of alcohol. I'm glad Amanda and I talked again when I saw her. Someone wrote on my arm their number...and I'm for sure it was a girl. I even remember telling these girls who kept hugging me to "get off my nuts." Ha ha ha. I hope everything was alright after the party was over though. I really hate immature people who starts fights. I really do get scared although at times I act like I'm not but I never want to see any of my guys get hurt. Everyone tells me I need to be more careful. I see myself getting in things I shouldn't but I felt like the right thing to do was to be there for my friends. I love them to death, no doubt about it. Afterward when to Seaside, I keep saying I get sick of that place easily but I completely love it. The atmosphere, everything about it. Makes my mind feel at ease.

When I saw you, and even when you were around any girl, it didn't bother me. I found it in myself to just be happy for you because that's what someone who cares does. Be happy for the other person. I'm really surprise how not awkward it is but I guess things are only awkward when people make it awkward. All I ever wish is for you to be happy and I'm glad I can say that and really mean it.

You didn't even care when I asked if you were okay after you got home. When you got hit I was scared freaking sh*tless out of my freaking mind...you had no freaking idea. I ran to hold you back because I didn't want to see you get hurt. All you cared about was the same thing over and over again. You are such an ass in my book right now...but I can't be mad at you. You always find someway or somehow to ease your way to my good side, the side I don't show anyone right away. Ughhk.

There are many fishes in the sea...
but my ship has sail. I don't want to give anyone a chance. That's all there is to it. I'm so sorry.