whether it's good, bad, makes you happy, makes you sad, even if it changes your life drastically, hurt you, make you better; whatever it is, it does happen for a reason. Like mistakes, or just lessons, it influenced your past and who you were but you choose who you become. Can't ever dwell on things that will just burden you because once you give it that power, you don't have the power to make yourself happy ya'know. I look back at this year so far and I realized how much love I have for my family and friends. Ever since my mom got surgery my family and I have gotten so much closer, I've been trying to be there for them more because I realize sometimes life isn't fair, and any moment they could be taken away from me or vice versa. I'm glad Dotty and I are close again because sometimes we can honestly do everything together and sometimes do nothing at all and still have fun. It's never too late to be who you could've been. There's always room to improve and make yourself better if you're willing to change. I know a lot of times I don't apologize for my faults or even apologize at all but I'm gradually learning to become better. I'm getting older and I just want to be the best person I can be, and without the people in my life now I would not be who I am today. And I will not ever dwell over those in my past, there's a reason why they did not make it in my future.
This Summer has yet cease to amaze me, everyday is just so new and I love it. I love having no curfew, not having to come home, going out whenever I want, and just being with people I love most =) And the thing is, I don't even take advantage of it, I always come home before 6, I don't stay out until the next day, and yet I've managed to make time for my family and still keep up with my responsibilities =)
Here's my list of 15 people, not in order:
1. You are like my best friend. You have taken care of me since I was born, we never disagree on much and we have the same mentality. If it wasn't the age difference, I think we could be twins. You have always got my back and help me to become better, always supporting me even if my choices aren't always the best, you knew that I knew what was best for me and you allowed me to grow and make my own mistakes. I don't know who I would be if you weren't in my life because you have taught me so much and is still teaching me. I know I can count on you with my life because you are always there for me no matter what. You're the first person I would come to if anything happens and we know and understand each other so well more than anyone else in this world. I cannot list everything we have done together because we have done so much together, and I'm glad we will have more years to come because I know you will always be by my side everyday for the rest of my life. Your struggle is my struggle, your pain is my pain, we've been through almost everything together, not struggles with one another but as we grew up, I will always love you because you are like my best friend until the very end<3
2. You always introduce me to everyone as your best friend but I always have to say,"we're sisters." Because that is the foundation I feel that we have built since 8th grade. You're basically the only girl friend I would want to keep in my future because I see you in the long run. Although times we don't talk or even hang out, I got so much love for you and I know you do for me. I know that I can just come over to your house and bake a bunch of cookies and brownies and catch up on our whole life, you're my main girl and I'm your "homie g mcgriddles 4 lyphe" =)
3. You're no longer in my life but you played a really big role in it. You showed me what real unconditional love was and you were my best friend. You are the person to determine the rest of the guys I will go out with next because you will always be the exception, not the rule. I never thought it would come down to this, for us to not talk at all, but I have to understand when one person moves on, it's hard on the other who's left alone. I don't feel like I should try to be in your life anymore because no matter how hard I try, you just won't let me in. And the thing is, I should never have to convince someone that I deserve to be in their life or prove anything to anyone. I'm going to move on with my life, with or without you. Like I said, I just want you to be happy and if you're happier with things now, I wouldn't want to ruin it for you because you deserve to be just as happy.
to be continued...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
"In this bright future, you can't forget your past."
Don't ever compare your life with others. Everyone have their own struggles, their own downfalls, their own problems which is their own. You can never say you have it worse because out there, there is someone who is having it worse than you. But it doesn't mean your pain doesn't count, because every pain counts, big deal or not. And although it may not be a big deal to others, it is to the one who's hurting. Just appreciate what you do have and don't look at what you don't have because there are some people who will kill to be in your shoes. And the amazing thing is, everything that you have gone through in the past, just strengthens your character to be better in the future. I'm one to know, and I have never been more grateful or happy in my life to have such an amazing family, wonderful friends, and to be living my life the way I do now. I know people look at me and assume I have everything or I live such a good life just because I'm positive most of the time, but I'm only positive because for me, I've gone through enough to feel as if I can handle anything that comes my way without hesitation. Life is how you make it and I'm living mine up like it's the last day =)
chill nights,
"Jenn you are like one of the guys, but more feminine with class."
Awww, they are too sweet =') I seriously love the guys. Honest to God, I don't run with that many girls because they talk too much. I may just be average plain jane but it ain't the same, I'm not into big names but I like nice things also. Yesterday was really fun, everyone came to my house at 6ish 7, made food and just chilled in my backyard. Got good beats and good eats, played taboo and everyone liked Zooey =) I was so happy when Brandon and Phillip showed up, my two favorites! =) Henry kept messing with me the whole night! :( But it was superrrrr chill for me, I rather have kickbacks with friends then hyped up parties. "Total cockfest." But they all know by now I chill with a bunch of guys, I love drinking and Taboo. I loveeee being Andrea's partner. We seriously can take everyone on hands down. Makes me miss Summer of last year when Jennifer, Eric, Kevin and I would go to Steven's/Andrea's house to drink and barbecue almost everyday and played Taboo + Rockband! But ya'know, everyone change, things change, life goes on. This Summer is going to be ten times better =) Sucks everyone had a curfew though, in my head I'm just thinking how chill my mom really is compared to other parents. I haven't ever been grounded and never had a curfew, and she was chill enough to let me have a kickback when she didn't even know about it until all my friends came. At times I think to myself how I am a brat but at the end of the day no matter how much we argue or anything, she knows I love her to death =) When everyone left paul, henry, james and I played volleyball for a bit, afterward pat picked me up. Chilled with the guys the whole night then got home and knockedddd out =) I appreciate everyone for everything, no doubt about it. Summer is so far sooo good<3
So far my plans for Summer:
1. Was your last kiss a mistake? nope.
2. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? oh my gosh, no.
3. Where is your biological father right now? at work.
4. What is bothering you right now? i want to go do something.
5. Have you ever taken a picture in a bathroom mirror? yes.
6. Do you use big words? sometimes.
7. Have you ever been called a 'slut' or 'man whore'? yeah.
8. Does your head hurt? no.
9. Have you ever rented out a hotel room? mhm.
10. Have you ever injected a drug? no.
11. When was the last time you saw your grandpa? when i was 3 & like last week.
12. Look to your right, what is there? my couch.
13. Do you fight with your parents often? ehh. kinda.
14. Where is the shirt you're wearing from? hot topic.
15. Have you ever been in a car accident? yeah.
16. The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you? yes.
17. Do you know anyone with cancer? no.
18. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? funny how that works.
19. Who's bed did you sleep in last night? mine.
20. Last time someone played with your hair? yesterday.
21. What was the best part of your day yesterday? nothing really.
22. Does a kiss make you feel better? i wouldnt know.
23. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? no.
24. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? before i get in.
25. How many siblings do you have? one.
26. Are you a morning person or a night? night.
27. Are you there for your friends? all of the time.
28. Are you a forgiving person? yeah, most of the time.
29. Are you mad at anyone? not rlly.
30. Are you an aunt or an uncle? no.
31. Who are three of the best kids in the world? sherman, shane, & emily, haha.
32. Who was the last person you ate out with? jessica & scott.
33. Who was the last person you talked on the phone with? my dad.
34. Are you feeling uneasy about something lately? no.
35. Do you have plans for your next birthday? not yet.
36. Ever punched somebody or been punched? yeah.
37. Anyone from your past come to mind often? no.
38. Are you a jealous person? somtimes.
39. Is your birthday on a holiday? no, but its the day before one.
40. Could you ever be in a long distance relationship with somebody? no.
41. Do you wish somebody would call you? sure.
42. Whats your middle name? nicole.
43. Where were you at noon yesterday? sleeping.
44. Next vacation your going on? i dunno, wisconsin.
45. What color is your hair? brown.
46. Whats the closest blue thing to you right now? pepsi can.
47. What are you excited for? i don't know.
48. Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out? ja.
49. Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex? not like, seriously.
50. Do you like jack and coke? i've never had it.
51. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an A? no.
55. What color are the walls in your room? purple.
56. What is the nicest thing you own that’s not a vehicle? i don't know.
57. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? jeff dunham.
58. Your at a friends want to watch a movie and you get to choose the movie genre what is it? scary.
59. Are you falling for anyone? i guess.
60. Can you cook harder things then spaghetti, pancakes, and macaroni and cheese? yeah.
61. What is your favorite game system? gamecube.
62. Pick a job: casting agent.
63. Are you addicted to myspace? yeah.
64. Are you guilty of having a one-night stand but NOT feeling bad about it the next day? no.
65. Do you know anyone that is currently locked up? yeah.
66. What is your favorite soda? mountain dew.
67. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? no.
68. What three tv channels do you watch the most? just shows: disney, mtv, & i use on demand a lot.
70. Your with a group of people and a couple of them start laughing about something with each other...? i'd ask them what they were laughing about.
71. What is your favorite candy bar? whatchmacallit.
72. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? no.
73. What do you think about the current gas prices? they are soo high.
74. You just won a free trip to one of these 3 places: London, Brazil, or Paris: Which do you choose? london!
75. Have you ever had a best friend pass away? no.
76. Have you ever been in trouble with the police? yes.
77. Have you ever told someone you were single when you really weren’t? no.
78. Do you think you look better naked or clothed? clothed.
79. How many jobs have you had and where? idk, one.
80. If you had a sex tape and someone offered you 3 million dollars to sell it to them would you? i wouldn't have a sex tape in the first place.
81. Do you go to starbucks? yeah.
82. Do you tend to think with your heart or logically? both.
83. What was the worst thing that happened to you today? idk, my dad yelled at me.
84. Has this year been good so far? i guess, yeah.
85. Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out? no.
85. How long does it take you to get ready? it depends.
86. Have you ever changed your looks to impress other people and not really yourself? no.
87. Do you know a lot about cars? not really.
88. What is your favorite childhood board game? candy land.
89. Do you change best friends a lot? no.
90. Do you think that you’re a good person? yeah.
91. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? no.
93. What are your plans for the future? go to college & study acting, film, public relations, & some business, move to california & get an apartment and a job waitressing or whatever, then try to get as many jobs as i can as a casting director til i get a really good one.
94. What’s your favorite type of beer? i don't drink beer.
95. What did you do this Valentines Day? nothing.
2. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? oh my gosh, no.
3. Where is your biological father right now? at work.
4. What is bothering you right now? i want to go do something.
5. Have you ever taken a picture in a bathroom mirror? yes.
6. Do you use big words? sometimes.
7. Have you ever been called a 'slut' or 'man whore'? yeah.
8. Does your head hurt? no.
9. Have you ever rented out a hotel room? mhm.
10. Have you ever injected a drug? no.
11. When was the last time you saw your grandpa? when i was 3 & like last week.
12. Look to your right, what is there? my couch.
13. Do you fight with your parents often? ehh. kinda.
14. Where is the shirt you're wearing from? hot topic.
15. Have you ever been in a car accident? yeah.
16. The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you? yes.
17. Do you know anyone with cancer? no.
18. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? funny how that works.
19. Who's bed did you sleep in last night? mine.
20. Last time someone played with your hair? yesterday.
21. What was the best part of your day yesterday? nothing really.
22. Does a kiss make you feel better? i wouldnt know.
23. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? no.
24. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? before i get in.
25. How many siblings do you have? one.
26. Are you a morning person or a night? night.
27. Are you there for your friends? all of the time.
28. Are you a forgiving person? yeah, most of the time.
29. Are you mad at anyone? not rlly.
30. Are you an aunt or an uncle? no.
31. Who are three of the best kids in the world? sherman, shane, & emily, haha.
32. Who was the last person you ate out with? jessica & scott.
33. Who was the last person you talked on the phone with? my dad.
34. Are you feeling uneasy about something lately? no.
35. Do you have plans for your next birthday? not yet.
36. Ever punched somebody or been punched? yeah.
37. Anyone from your past come to mind often? no.
38. Are you a jealous person? somtimes.
39. Is your birthday on a holiday? no, but its the day before one.
40. Could you ever be in a long distance relationship with somebody? no.
41. Do you wish somebody would call you? sure.
42. Whats your middle name? nicole.
43. Where were you at noon yesterday? sleeping.
44. Next vacation your going on? i dunno, wisconsin.
45. What color is your hair? brown.
46. Whats the closest blue thing to you right now? pepsi can.
47. What are you excited for? i don't know.
48. Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out? ja.
49. Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex? not like, seriously.
50. Do you like jack and coke? i've never had it.
51. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an A? no.
55. What color are the walls in your room? purple.
56. What is the nicest thing you own that’s not a vehicle? i don't know.
57. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? jeff dunham.
58. Your at a friends want to watch a movie and you get to choose the movie genre what is it? scary.
59. Are you falling for anyone? i guess.
60. Can you cook harder things then spaghetti, pancakes, and macaroni and cheese? yeah.
61. What is your favorite game system? gamecube.
62. Pick a job: casting agent.
63. Are you addicted to myspace? yeah.
64. Are you guilty of having a one-night stand but NOT feeling bad about it the next day? no.
65. Do you know anyone that is currently locked up? yeah.
66. What is your favorite soda? mountain dew.
67. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? no.
68. What three tv channels do you watch the most? just shows: disney, mtv, & i use on demand a lot.
70. Your with a group of people and a couple of them start laughing about something with each other...? i'd ask them what they were laughing about.
71. What is your favorite candy bar? whatchmacallit.
72. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? no.
73. What do you think about the current gas prices? they are soo high.
74. You just won a free trip to one of these 3 places: London, Brazil, or Paris: Which do you choose? london!
75. Have you ever had a best friend pass away? no.
76. Have you ever been in trouble with the police? yes.
77. Have you ever told someone you were single when you really weren’t? no.
78. Do you think you look better naked or clothed? clothed.
79. How many jobs have you had and where? idk, one.
80. If you had a sex tape and someone offered you 3 million dollars to sell it to them would you? i wouldn't have a sex tape in the first place.
81. Do you go to starbucks? yeah.
82. Do you tend to think with your heart or logically? both.
83. What was the worst thing that happened to you today? idk, my dad yelled at me.
84. Has this year been good so far? i guess, yeah.
85. Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out? no.
85. How long does it take you to get ready? it depends.
86. Have you ever changed your looks to impress other people and not really yourself? no.
87. Do you know a lot about cars? not really.
88. What is your favorite childhood board game? candy land.
89. Do you change best friends a lot? no.
90. Do you think that you’re a good person? yeah.
91. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? no.
93. What are your plans for the future? go to college & study acting, film, public relations, & some business, move to california & get an apartment and a job waitressing or whatever, then try to get as many jobs as i can as a casting director til i get a really good one.
94. What’s your favorite type of beer? i don't drink beer.
95. What did you do this Valentines Day? nothing.
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