all is fair in love and war.

It was always easier for me to be friends with guys than with girls; it started to always be that way because it's hard to find genuine nice girls who is real. I always consider myself as one of the boys. But as I get older, the guy friends that I meet, their intentions of being my friend really isn't to be my friend. I find it a little unfair how most of my friendships failed because it so happens they wanted to be more than friends. It's even harder when you have a boyfriend who is always right about your new guy friends. I would understand if it hurts them to see me with my boyfriend, but is it necessary? In a way, they should've known what they were getting themselves into. But then I started thinking about my past relationships and basically how all of them ended with me not talking to them and wanting nothing to do with them. Then I finally realized, it's not them; it's really me. Relationships, guy friends, every time someone gets the opportunity to get closer to me, I push them away because I fear they'll like me. Kevin and I went through this whole trust issue over and over, and I end up hurting someone. It always happens, and I mean always. I find myself looking back hating how I dealt with things back then. All I can say is, my heart was so young and naive, all I thought about was myself and I was selfish. But I've learned. Now the walls I build up seem to get higher and higher, and it seems to me things are better off this way. Kevin doesn't have anything to worry about, and if ever he is, I always reassure him I'm not going anywhere. But like they say, each relationship you've had is just to make you stronger for the next one, to make you smarter, to make you wiser and set better standards.


Ps.
I find it kind of creepy when people right-click my page to see what music I listen to. It's hidden in the first place so no one else can see it, but I can't blame them, I have good taste in music =)