_infinite abyss.

And I'm staring from a distance of what used to be and what is now. I just can't help but smile and frown and tear up and laugh. I love the feeling of not knowing.


It just keeps going and never ends.



I am excited for the new house, yet, I have not packed anything at all. I mean, I actually never ever packed before in my life. Pack to go camping to go on trips but never pack to move to a new house. Everyone used to do it so I didn't need to. I can't wait to paint my room and put up my paintings! I'm putting up my skateboard decks on the wall too =) Now I definitely feel as if everything is being rushed because we have so little time and no one started to pack yet.

Recently when Kevin and I went on a few breaks I always insist on giving back his grandma's house key but he always tell me to just keep it and won't let me give it to him. It's just weird because I guess he knows or thinks we're always going to be together no matter what the circumstances are. It's like he won't let me go...we won't let go of each other. I don't know, I guess right now I just don't want us to be together. Everything is bad timing. I don't want to be in a relationship where one is being loved too much and the other is being loved too little. It's hard to state that we're broken up because everyone tells me,"No this isn't the end for you guys. You guys belong together." And it's like, pause, brainfart, wuhhht? Are people seeing things that I can't see or they know something I currently don't know. I just don't want to worry about relationships right now because I have bigger things I have to worry about.

And honestly, I don't respect guys who go after girls because they assume they're vulnerable. I mean, why would a guy want to start off their relationship with a girl who is still in love with her boyfriend as a rebound. I wish everybody understood the concept of not getting involve with someone who's heart goes out strongly for someone else.

My mom's going back into surgery April 7th (this is the bigger thing to worry about) I just hope everything turns out fine. I know it's in my part to cry because I'm her daughter but how would it help her feel better or be stronger if everyone is crying and no one is reassuring her that this is going to be okay. I really have faith that she's going to be okay. This has been my motivation to reach my career. I want to make it already, I don't want my mom to miss any part of it, I want her to be there to see me reach the top.

Natasha Richardson who played Elizabeth James in The Parent Trap passed away yesterday due to a skiing accident. It's so sad because I watch The Parent Trap every weekend with Kim and my mom. She was so amazing and beautiful. Shows that anything can happen to anyone anytime. RIP<3 style="font-weight: bold;">Life's too short to be anything but happy.