"I'm too proud for love."

So when did I started feeling as if I wanted everything in the world but to not be in love? I just feel like a mess right now, my mind's all cluttered, and I just want to be naive. The weird part is that I enjoy every minute of it. I just feel so alive...I'm so tired of trying to have everything together. I hate feeling as if my feelings are always dissect and categorized every time I feel something new. I'm only sixteen...I know I'm still young but age doesn't define anything.

It's too soon for me to give anyone a chance. It's just too soon for me to be with anyone because I want to get used to being by myself again. I don't want to be those girls who always need a boyfriend or need to have someone to fill up that part in their life. I should already complete myself. I know it's nice to "have someone" but you shouldn't want to be with someone to just have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I can't put myself out there, I'm just not willing to and that's a risk I choose not to take.

I admit, it does aggravate me when people say I play hard to get because love isn't a game, I don't play anything. I am the way I am, not because I like the chase. I'm sorry you can't figure me out...I'm not just going to tell you my whole life story and expect you to know who I truly am. Those things don't happen over night, you get to know someone within time.

Now this is the part I hate to admit, and I completely contradicted myself by saying I always get what I want but I only want something the most when I can't have it. Like I just keep wanting it more and more. I guess that's the beauty of not knowing what your heart really wants.

1. I know I'm not in love with you anymore, but I still do love you. I don't want to be with you but I know once you're with someone else, I'll be sad. Who wouldn't be? It's the fact it's not me anymore, it's her. Whoever she is. But I know deep down, I would be happy for you. Because I did you a favor and let you find love again, who knows that might be the person you're meant to be with. I did myself a favor by allowing myself to find love in a different place. I won't ever love anyone the way I love you, because God knows, our love was realllly something. I'm glad we're still friends, I'm glad we still talk, I'm glad your family still really loves me, I'm glad that nothing really had to change except us not being together anymore. "And even though we didn't work out together, you're still my sunset, set, set..."<3

2. I'm tired of being left hanging. I hate this part right here.

3. I know you're a flirt, but I don't get why you talk to me so much unless you do do that to every girl. I guess because I am easy to talk to so it became a routine to talk to me everyday. But I'd really like to know if someone is interested in me so I can see if I should give them the same reassurance back. Because there's no point in me thinking you like me when you don't, so I shouldn't even like you ya'know? You really are confusing me and I want to stop talking to you, but it's that whole 'I want what I can't have' situation all over again.

After watching Made of Honor for the 1837364 time, I just got to the point where I really just love it a lot. I want to have a guy best friend that I can grow up with, trust, talk to about anything, be there for me, then find out he was meant for me all along. Hahaha =) And Kimmy bought me Sex and the City the movie because she knows how much I love it. Which reminds me I am going to dye my hair soon, back to highlights or my natural hair color. Not so sure =)

For the most part, I'm really happy right now.

"Love is a label that will never go out of style."-Carrie Bradshaw<3