kill them with kindness.

I don't even know why I've been trying so hard to be in your life because honestly, you don't care nor appreciate that I've been trying to make effort. I know I moved on and everything but that's completely normal when a couple break up. I mean, you're trying to move on too right? Telling your friends to hook you up with someone, who I might add has a boyfriend. I feel like I'm being punish for moving on so now I have to make it up ten times harder to finally be in your life. But honestly, I don't need you. I don't think I ever needed you. I think for me, I still want you in my life only because I'm so used to you being in my life. Sometimes I think back, maybe I should've given us a chance again, but I gave you the ultimatum and you didn't try. So that isn't my fault, you figured that I wouldn't move on or something that's why you never tried or put effort. I can't look back at our happy times and forget all the times you treated me bad. I'm not ever going to overlook that because once I do, it just means I'm giving in to the thought of being alone. We're completely two different people now and I'm glad this whole entire time, I remained true to myself and fought for what I wanted. In the end, I tried my best and my hardest and that's all I could ever do.

I'm done trying. You don't want me in your life then you got it, because if you wanted me in your life then you would not ever push me away or do anything to lose me. If you still loved me and wanted to be with me then you would disregard everything that happened and still be with me, because if you want someone enough, there's no excuse.

But here's the truth, I don't want to be in a relationship. I love my life right now, everything is just so great and smooth sailing. Relationships becomes a burden to me because I'm always having to worry about where the person is, who they're with, what they're doing or what trouble they could get into. I've been overlooking the good guys, I know that, I've got great guys who wants to be there for me and how come I'm not with them? Well, I guess because I still want them in my life and if they're so great, it's worth the wait. Right now I just want to have fun. I want to be dependent on myself and even though being in love is the best feeling and having someone you can do everything with and just feel so crazy for, I can't just want someone to have someone. I need to focus on myself and really take control of my life.


Tonight was pretty fun for me, thank you guys for coming =) I did have fun! So more play time at my house! Blog more about it later! Heading out now, gooosenye =)