I love you, but I can't be with you

is the line of a coward.

It should be:

I love you and I’ll do everything just to be with you because being with you is worth it.

All I know is:

If you really want someone, there is no excuse.

=) I feel happy, and relieved. I guess it's a good thing. I know I deserved better, there's nothing I want to do or could've done differently. Not everything in this world is meant to be fixed.

Lately I've been feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Pretty much due to not being able to see the guys' graduating and also the person who meant most to me graduate. I've been getting all of these dreams that just makes me upset throughout the day because all I can do is think about it. I've come to conclusions about things and the more I accept it, the more bitter I become. But I think it's all over, my heart is finally at ease. One less problem to really worry about. For me, I can't be in a relationship where the other person thinks I care too much, but I guess it's always better when you don't give a sh*t and allow them to do whatever they want. Or, that's what they make it seem. I'm not a person to regret anything in my life, because I know at a point; it was everything I wanted. And those traits and qualities I didn't like, I'll keep that in my mind, to not be with someone with the same flaws. I feel like I can finally be me again, worry about myself, focus on myself, nonetheless, focus on more important things.

On a much heavier note, while I was going to Target with Dotty on Beach and Edinger, we witnessed a kid getting hit by a car while he was riding his bike. I was so traumatized hearing him cry out for help and in pain, I just couldn't bear with the thought of it happening to me. Seeing it actually happened, made me appreciate my life so much more. How anything can happen, accidents do happen, and any day, any minute, my life or the ones I love can be taken away. I ammm so loving my life right now, I'm just becoming more and more positive each day. I know I'm not going to be happy all the time through the day, but by the end of the day I really am grateful.

I got my first job application, I am so excited =) I admit, I love being a workaholic. It keeps me motivated and I feel like I'm doing it for me. Everything feels so much more worth it when you do it on your own. No more negative nancy, I've been disappointed for so long with people letting me down, hurting me, and I'm not going to allow it anymore. I'm going to pick myself up and say to the pain that I've encountered, "you are no longer going to keep me down!" Maybe this is it, my time to shine =) Hopefully. And then hellllllo real world, my world.

"I rather be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."