Manning up to my feelings,

My heart is so hard to please sometimes. I’ve always been closed off and stubborn, and I always trying to look out for myself when it comes to relationships that I don’t let anyone in. I don’t even speak of my relationship to others. Not like how I used to. Hands down, I’ve gotten way too proud for love. For awhile now I have had this mentality where I refuse to love someone else because in the end, I’ll always be alone. I had this thought in my head that every person I’m going to end up with will just hurt me. I used to be so happy, and in love, and in love with the thought of love. Then I became bitter, cynical. I wasn’t mad at love, I was mad at the person I was in love with. And this whole time, I just blamed love for it. I admit, there are days where I wonder to myself,”will I ever love another person again? Am I only allowed to be in love once in my life? When will I love again?” And those questions make me ponder for hours in bed.