"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

Sometimes I really do feel like I'm living my life under a microscope. As if everyone is watching my every sudden move just waiting for me to figure out my next move. I used to feel obligated to live my life...but I promised myself from that day on, everyday that I live, I am going to live it for no one else but me. It seems a bit simple minded to worry about only myself. But I've come to terms that by the end of the day, I am the only person who is one-hundred percent guaranteed to be there for myself.

At times I try so hard to be a good friend/girlfriend that I slowly start to spread myself thin. I start to not have any expectations and in a lot of ways, I just settled for any mere scrap of effort and was actually grateful for it. I knew I deserved a lot more though but I was just so afraid that if I asked for more, I'll sound like an annoyance and they wouldn't want me in their life. Then I realized that it's okay to ask for more from people. If I wasn't being treated like how I deserve, then I shouldn't just settle. If they care for me enough as a person then they would put more effort and if they don't, if they decide to bail when things get tough, then they don't deserve me in their life. I'm not one of those people who don't put forth effort and expect a lot in return. If I ever did, it's only because I can care less.

I know a lot of people assume many things about me. That I'm careless, ruthless, reckless, obnoxiously happy, even Miss-Have-It-All or spoiled. But they don't know my life as much as I know my own. I don't like when people assume to the extent that I have it so easy and that everything I possess and have ever own was given or handed to me. I work hard for everything that I have and want in my life. Whether it's my relationships with my family, boyfriend, friends, to even work or to better myself as a person inside and out. Everything I want, I work for. I pay my own phone bill. I want a Disneyland pass, I go and purchase it. I want a gym pass, I go out and purchase it. People like to think that I am this super-skinny, no effort at all person, but I get my lazy ass up and do pilates/yoga/gym. I pay for my own food and clothes. I don't take money from my mom, and at times I do take money from my sisssy or have her pay for my things but I am grateful for it. I don't have financial aid money like others to be spending on everything I want anytime that I want. It may not define me as a person, or even as a good person to be independent, but it sure adds a lot of character. I am not perfect and neither is my life. It is extremely crazy of me to admit I'm anything close to perfect or that my life have been nothing but sooth sailing. For anyone as a matter of fact. But when people put that label on me, I feel pressured like I have to live up to it and if I don't, I'll fail. I am happy to be crazy, to be a mess, to be ridiculous. I am happy with myself for the person that I am today and the things I've gone through.

I do believe that your life is what you make of it so if your life is not going as well as you have planned, then do something about it. Don't sulk around for the things you lack, rather appreciate the things that you do have and work for the things that you want. Good things do come to those who wait but better things come to those who go for what they want. I am blessed with the best.