"They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

I'm slowly but surely adapting to a new lifestyle (kind of, not really) and trying to keep up with the positive attitude. I told myself (many, many, many times) that I really want to change my attitude and be better, and I am determined to do so. Now, writing about it can be convincing to a certain extent, but, this is also a reminder. Just in case I forget, because sometimes...I really do let things get the best of me and I forget to focus on myself and my well-being.

I really don't know what got into me, but I became a complete wreck and a negative nancy in such a short amount of time. Before this, I can say I was always happy. I've always been the girl who knew how to smile, even when I was hurting inside. I'm known to be optimistic, and a great listener. For some reason, I never take my own advice though. I was completely out of character, and wasn't myself, and I don't know what it was. I can't exactly put my finger on it. I can say insecurity issues, but then again, everyone is insecure about something. I'm still trying to figure it out, and I'm still trying to figure myself out day by day.

I want to be the bestest version of myself that I can ever be. I want to be great. I want to be amazing. I can't help but owe it to the people who are still in my life. I appreciate them sososo much, my family, my friends who still sticks around, and especially my boyfriend. I know I don't say it enough, but a lot of times, when I'm feeling crappy about myself, my boyfriend's the one who makes me realize that I'm fine just the way I am. He sees me in ways I didn't ever think anyone can see me or look at me, or even think of me that way. I guess sometimes you need someone other than yourself, to help you realize you're doing a good job just being you. I've had guys tell me the same thing, but it matters more when it's coming from someone that actually cares so much about you. I've been bitter, sad, mad over things that I had no control over, for way too long, and I'm ready to let it go and not let it control me anymore. I'm ready to just breathe and take these weight off of my shoulders. I don't know why I made it my responsibility to make everyone happy, because it sure made me unhappy. So I'm learning to put myself first as well.

I've always lived by,"life's too short to be anything but happy," and I'm going to stick to it for the rest of my life. I'm not going to say that from here on out, everything is going to be perfect, or I'm going to try and make things perfect, but for the most part, I'm really going to try and just be happy for myself. No more sulking in the past and letting it spoil my present/future, no more being sad because I couldn't make someone happy, no more being mad at the "friends" who don't even care to answer back, no more being bitter at the things that didn't go right. Every single thing happens for a reason, and I know from the bottom of my heart that I've already been blessed with the best. No matter how bad a situation can get, I will always have faith.