history in the making,

I had a long and interesting talk with my mom and kim the other night, it was one of those talks where it could just go on and on. My mom talked about my grandpa, and I never knew my grandpa or have any recollection of him because I was still a baby when he passed away, but my mom talked about our French roots which was really interesting because I never looked into it before. I feel as if I need to get more in touch with my culture and my heritage. I should really be proud of being French because not a lot of people have that in their background and I'm lucky enough to be both French and Viet. I don't know why I didn't bother asking my mom sooner about it, but it occurred to me just a couple days ago when people asked me if I was partially white. It was amazing getting to know my mom's childhood more because she never talked about it to my sisters and I as much. The only thing we knew or talked about the most was how my parents got together. It saddens me to see my mom alone even though she can still date but she chooses not to because she's scared my dad wouldn't approve. The sweetest thing she said was,"I'm getting older, I want to grow old with someone and just be happy." That really made my heart melt. I don't see why she needs my dad's approval of being with anyone because they're not together anymore. They got their own lives and I just want my mom to be happy because she really deserves it.

This Summer I said I would reinvent myself, but really, I'm just going to continue being me but better myself each day. I don't need to find myself because I know who I am and who I want to be, I just need to look more into my background and appreciate where I come from. It's not even as if I was embarrass of what race I am, somewhere along the way I just forgot and it never occurred to me enough for me to talk about it often.

This makes me want to travel the world even more and learn about everything. I really want my trip to Kenya with Kim to follow through next Summer so we can learn more about other people's life styles and help them out. I really want to be active and do things to help the world and make it a better place. One of the things Kim and I say we will do every year is sign up for The Race for the Cure to help those who have gone through/going through cancer. I'm glad I have someone with the same values as me and who wants to help out as much as I do so I don't have to do all of these alone because I know she'll always be by my side<3

I love my family, hands down they are my absolute everything. It's enough that we have problems with other people so we don't need problems in the family but when someone is being selfish and crosses the line, I will put you back in your place. It's sad because people think I have only two older sisters and when they find out I have another one they ask me how come we don't talk about her. But it's true, I am not proud of her. I despise her as a person and at times I don't even think she's a human being. She will always be my sister but when someone treats me badly and treat all of my sisters and my mom like sh*t, I will not tolerate it. I swear, I'm the youngest but I'm not afraid to stick up for myself because I'm not going to allow someone to disrespect me and walk all over me. My skin has gotten thicker and I can care less what people say, if they're wrong, they are wrong. You don't allow someone to be wrong, it's like encouraging them to constantly make mistakes. After today, after this morning, I can care less what she does and who she is. I'm so nice and I have always got her back, throughout everything I've done I have always gotten my families back no matter what because family is always first for me. But she doesn't treat anyone one of my sisters and my mom like we're her family so be it. She can put me down all she wants because I'm better as a person than she'll ever be because she thinks too highly of herself that she's better than everyone only for the fact she has money. MONEY DOES NOT MEAN SH*T TO ME, RESPECT DOES. I rather have my family whom I love so much with me by the end of the day even if we may not have everything, then have everything in this world and not have my family.

Today's talk was sort of uncalled for, but I really appreciate everything and everyone looking out for me. I know I'm the youngest and I'm always wild that's why everyone's scared of what trouble I might be getting myself in but I'm much smarter than that and always know what I'm doing. I go out with my friends because I want to have fun and live my life, plus they do make me happy, doesn't make me one of them or exactly like them though. I'm glad I got my morals and values straight because I know who I am as a person to not do the things I wouldn't ever be proud of. Honestly, I'm just so used to being emotionally independent that's why I don't ever come to anyone about my problems. It's just how I am because I've grown up to be like that. It's hard for me to open up to others and tell them my deepest concerns. I learn not to depend on others to make my problems go away or make me happy because I want to do it all on my own. One thing about me is that I never ask for help, I never ever ever do. School, problems, boys, hair, this and that, I just don't. I know I should because I need help and sometimes I end up in a rut or hit rock bottom but I rather learn and fall and make mistakes on my own than rely on others to help me out. It's true, I don't like limitations so I rebel. But I'm just living my life and I don't regret anything I do.

I live my life for me.

stuck where we are,

One thing about me is that I am always down for my friends. Always always always. I love them. I guess you can say I got a big heart because forgiveness is always my weakest point. You can hurt me, kick me, hate me, push me, knock me down, whatever; I'll still find it in myself to just be the best person I can be. Not only for myself but for others. I love being the girl everyone comes to with problems or just need an ear, someone to pick up the pieces and help them out when they need. And honestly, I don't need it in return. Yeah I've come to many conclusions where it's not worth to put effort in friendships where they don't put the same effort back. I think all of us knows what that feels like. But in the end, I just want to be there because I feel like if there's a day where I hate them or never want to see them again because if anything ever occurs to them, I don't want to regret being mad or resenting them. I want to be there, to help them out, or even congratulate them and just be the bigger person and bestest friend I can be for them.

You were one of my closest friend and I was always there for you through everything with this girl and that girl. Then you let it all slip away...you never even cleared things up with me and whenever I see you, you don't even talk to me. Now you want to walk back into my life? You hurt me, you really did, you lied, you kept things from me, you weren't there for me through all of the bullsh*t I went through for you...I want to be the bigger person and just set it all aside because I can always forgive people, but maybe it'll take me much longer to forgive you because you really left me hanging on our friendship.

I promise myself to never be bitter, not bitter towards anyone and most of all, not be bitter in my heart and in my mind.

Thank you guys for appreciating me when I don't even appreciate myself. Yesterday was one of the craziest nights ever...I had a lot of fun though for Henry's birthday which I'm glad the party lasted a lot longer than I expected. I love meeting new people who are really sweet and nice to me =) Everyone tried to get me drunk but thank goodness I paced myself which I'm glad I can handle a lot of alcohol. I'm glad Amanda and I talked again when I saw her. Someone wrote on my arm their number...and I'm for sure it was a girl. I even remember telling these girls who kept hugging me to "get off my nuts." Ha ha ha. I hope everything was alright after the party was over though. I really hate immature people who starts fights. I really do get scared although at times I act like I'm not but I never want to see any of my guys get hurt. Everyone tells me I need to be more careful. I see myself getting in things I shouldn't but I felt like the right thing to do was to be there for my friends. I love them to death, no doubt about it. Afterward when to Seaside, I keep saying I get sick of that place easily but I completely love it. The atmosphere, everything about it. Makes my mind feel at ease.

When I saw you, and even when you were around any girl, it didn't bother me. I found it in myself to just be happy for you because that's what someone who cares does. Be happy for the other person. I'm really surprise how not awkward it is but I guess things are only awkward when people make it awkward. All I ever wish is for you to be happy and I'm glad I can say that and really mean it.

You didn't even care when I asked if you were okay after you got home. When you got hit I was scared freaking sh*tless out of my freaking mind...you had no freaking idea. I ran to hold you back because I didn't want to see you get hurt. All you cared about was the same thing over and over again. You are such an ass in my book right now...but I can't be mad at you. You always find someway or somehow to ease your way to my good side, the side I don't show anyone right away. Ughhk.

There are many fishes in the sea...
but my ship has sail. I don't want to give anyone a chance. That's all there is to it. I'm so sorry.

Rest in paradise,

“I know its a big claim, but I already believe I’m better then 2Pac was. At this point I feel like I could out-rhyme anyone from Biggie to Pun. The people know what it is I’m not cocky, but if you analyze the rhymes I think you’d agree,”-Drake.

All these whack emcees and big stars claiming they're better than this and that when they're just big now, nothing but a one hit wonder. YOU CAN NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO TUPAC. Yet again, we've lost another great rapper, rest in paradise Baatin. One of the greatest rapper ever lived. I recognize sunshine when I see it, so let him shine on.

"Slum Village forever." -Talib Kweli<3

“ Jealousy, we got to swallow it. Your heart & mind baby follow it. Smile, happiness you could model it. & when you feel opposite.. I just want you to know, your whole being is beautiful. I’m going to do the best I can do, ‘cause I’m the best when I’m with you. Common