Across the universe,

Lately I've been doing nothing but painting lyrics all over my room, reading, bundling myself up in my blanket and falling asleep to either old films or The Beatles. In the past couple of weeks, I've also got Johnson to listen to The Beatles, more indie music, and he actually enjoys it =) If only I could get him to be more interested in basketball...He has also released his Spring collection for his clothing line =) I am more than proud of him.

Summer is almost here and I've been trying to condition myself to go out in the sun. Unfortunately, the sun isn't ever nice to me. I get sunburn way too easily, even when I'm driving. That doesn't stop me from itching for outdoor adventures, though. I am egggcited for the many events this upcoming Summer. A few years ago my Summer would mostly consist of only the beach, camping, hiking, concerts, and late-night adventures until the sun rises. This Summer, I am determine to be even more active and eventful. For one, I am extremely excited to finally redecorate my room. Paint job, new furniture, etc. Something I've been anxiously waiting for. I've also been dying to go kayaking/the cove to touch the moon jellyfish. They're not poisonous and do not sting humans. Also, I want to apply myself to more cancer awareness events. The Breast Cancer Walk in October was a success, and I look forward to the Alzheimer's Walk this May. I also want to discover more dessert joints, specifically ice cream joints. Perfect for Summer! I will also be attending the Lykke Li concert in August, trying to be hopeful for Bright Eyes, and if I am the luckiest girl on Earth, Britney and Katy Perry :")

I also really want to go to Australia this Summer to finally meet my gramps, since he's getting older and yet, I still have not met this man. I've never really met my other grandpa on my mom's side either. He passed away before I could even retain any memories of meeting him. All I know about him is that he had very pretty blue eyes. I would love to have the chance to go through life knowing my grandpa while he's still alive. Kimberly recently bought us both a piggy bank. I named mine Charlotte, and on our piggy banks it says Vacay Fund and I'm determine to save up money :") Even if it takes awhile. By the end of this year, I must go back to San Fran and visit my home. I miss the weather, I miss the drives around the city, I miss the Chinese restaurants that are open 'til 2 in the morning. I honestly think that's where I'll choose to live and spend the rest of my life. Still traveling of course.

I haven't gone to the gym in a week, but thank goodness for a high metabolism that I don't ever gain any weight. Beach bod, check. Endless bathing suits, check. Extremely crazy, long wavy hair, check. The only thing I need is for my Paul Frank beach cruiser to get fixed so I can ride it around and soak up the sun.

All you need is love xx.

The Greatest Relationship

"The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged your ever view. The ones where you found yourself to be a better person because of who you were when he was around. The ones that made you wake up with a smile on your face no matter how corny it was. The ones that made everything right when it was wrong. The ones that caused you physical pain to leave because leaving meant losing a part of yourself.

The greatest relationships are the ones you’ll always remember not because of their length, but because of who you were with. The ones where the memories make you want to laugh when you’re crying. The ones that make you believe that god exists, because no one else could have created someone so amazing. The ones that cause you to change for the better, even if you don’t realize it. The ones where you know you’re being honest with yourself, so much it hurts.

The greatest relationships are the ones where he called you lame and you just rolled your eyes because you knew he was kidding. The ones where you were comfortable around him because you knew he’d love you no matter what. The ones where love seemed to be the only answer. The ones that made you compromise because it was something you knew you wanted to last. The ones where you accepted what he did because you just wanted to see him happy.

The greatest relationships are the ones that changed your life. The ones that made you rethink your future because you knew it’d be better with him. The ones where you felt like your forever had finally appeared. The ones that made you question the ending. The ones that told you to push through the problems because eventually it would be better again. The ones where you broke your heart and his for his good, even when you couldn’t explain without breaking a rule.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you care more about his happiness then you do about your own. The ones where you do what you do for his future, even if it means wrecking your present. The ones where you tell yourself to walk in the opposite direction, because you know there are just some things you can’t do. The ones when you cry not because it’s over, but because you know you lost not only him, but your best friend too.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll thank him for being a part of your life, no matter how short. The ones where you’ll never forget him because he helped shape your view on love. The ones where you’ll always be there for him, whether or not he’ll accept that. The ones where he put up with your crap when he didn’t have to. The ones where your last tribute to him was doing something he never thought you’d do - and loving it.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll always love him, even when he’s forgotten all about you. The ones where you’re changed forever because of him. The ones that you will always smile about because while they were flawed, they were still amazing. The ones where you fought what you knew was going to happen because you couldn’t quite come to terms with losing him. the ones that remind you love lost is better than never having loved at all."

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

Sometimes I really do feel like I'm living my life under a microscope. As if everyone is watching my every sudden move just waiting for me to figure out my next move. I used to feel obligated to live my life...but I promised myself from that day on, everyday that I live, I am going to live it for no one else but me. It seems a bit simple minded to worry about only myself. But I've come to terms that by the end of the day, I am the only person who is one-hundred percent guaranteed to be there for myself.

At times I try so hard to be a good friend/girlfriend that I slowly start to spread myself thin. I start to not have any expectations and in a lot of ways, I just settled for any mere scrap of effort and was actually grateful for it. I knew I deserved a lot more though but I was just so afraid that if I asked for more, I'll sound like an annoyance and they wouldn't want me in their life. Then I realized that it's okay to ask for more from people. If I wasn't being treated like how I deserve, then I shouldn't just settle. If they care for me enough as a person then they would put more effort and if they don't, if they decide to bail when things get tough, then they don't deserve me in their life. I'm not one of those people who don't put forth effort and expect a lot in return. If I ever did, it's only because I can care less.

I know a lot of people assume many things about me. That I'm careless, ruthless, reckless, obnoxiously happy, even Miss-Have-It-All or spoiled. But they don't know my life as much as I know my own. I don't like when people assume to the extent that I have it so easy and that everything I possess and have ever own was given or handed to me. I work hard for everything that I have and want in my life. Whether it's my relationships with my family, boyfriend, friends, to even work or to better myself as a person inside and out. Everything I want, I work for. I pay my own phone bill. I want a Disneyland pass, I go and purchase it. I want a gym pass, I go out and purchase it. People like to think that I am this super-skinny, no effort at all person, but I get my lazy ass up and do pilates/yoga/gym. I pay for my own food and clothes. I don't take money from my mom, and at times I do take money from my sisssy or have her pay for my things but I am grateful for it. I don't have financial aid money like others to be spending on everything I want anytime that I want. It may not define me as a person, or even as a good person to be independent, but it sure adds a lot of character. I am not perfect and neither is my life. It is extremely crazy of me to admit I'm anything close to perfect or that my life have been nothing but sooth sailing. For anyone as a matter of fact. But when people put that label on me, I feel pressured like I have to live up to it and if I don't, I'll fail. I am happy to be crazy, to be a mess, to be ridiculous. I am happy with myself for the person that I am today and the things I've gone through.

I do believe that your life is what you make of it so if your life is not going as well as you have planned, then do something about it. Don't sulk around for the things you lack, rather appreciate the things that you do have and work for the things that you want. Good things do come to those who wait but better things come to those who go for what they want. I am blessed with the best.

Home is where I'm with you,

I miss the idea of a lot of things. Every single day, something shifts from familiarity to unfamiliarity and all I can do is adapt to it. Sometimes people pull the rug from right under me and I'm sort of forced to just be okay with it. I'm a very happy person, and majority, not all the time, but majority of the time when something goes wrong, I can and is still able to recollect myself and pick myself up quickly. But at times, I wish there was someone else to pick me up. It gets tiring, ya'know? Always knowing the truth, always knowing what's going to happen, always realizing that I'm alone in all of this. I am and have always been known to isolate myself. I'm not anti-social, I'm just a homebody. I have never felt more like me when I'm at home. I've never felt so love and accepted all into one. I don't feel alone anymore. But when I walk out of that door, I'm all that I have. Although things change at home time to time, we're all in it together. Me, my sisters, my mom, my dad; even Chocolate Chip. Sometimes I get too comfortable with a certain place in my life, that I eventually grow attach and make it my home, when really, it's not home at all. I then pick up myself, my heart, my mind and move on from there and I just realize everything is just a chapter in my life. Even the people who are in it.

"It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist."