Although my eyes are tired, and weary due to lack of sleep, I'm trying to start my mornings early again so I don't feel so lazy sleeping in like a bum until 2 in the afternoon. Plus, I'm getting breakfast with my sisssy at 11, then taking my mum on a date to cut her hair and lunch :") I figured since I'm up anyway, I might as well take the opportunity to start blogging again.
Honestly, I think I used to blog more when I was troubled. I needed a place to put my thoughts and concerns, and as of lately, those concerns and worries all seemed to dissipate. I've been so happy lately, I don't even think to write or document the events in my life anymore. I just enjoy each and every moment everyday, and just live through my actions, and not through my words. I don't think there are enough words in the world to describe all the events in my life that have lead me up to this. Even if there are words, where do I even start?
At the beginning of this year, I already knew it was going to be a very good year. I didn't know how, or from what, but I knew that this year was going to be one of my best years. And not to my surprise, I am correct. I have never felt this blissful. The sad thing is that in order for me to be happy, I had to leave many things behind. My office job, my two year relationship, a few old friends, and a few bad habits. I don't want to say those things were the root of what made me happy, but I do realize now that I am happier without it. I honestly do think that getting rid of those things, made room for better things for me in my life now. I'm not saying those things never made me happy at some point, I'm just saying, people change, feelings change, and sometimes you don't want the same thing anymore.
I know there are some people who look at me and think that I'm the type that never cared, or didn't give a sh*t.They said I made it look so easy to walk away from all those things that was in my life. Honestly, it wasn't. But it was the best and right thing to do. I've always done what made others happy, I'm always constantly thinking about how to please others, and the thing is, because of that, I was unhappy with certain things for the longest time. I've always tried sososo hard to make myself happy, and yes, I was. I knew how to make myself happy when I was upset, I was always the happy girl, I never let things get to me, I had a smile on my face 24/7. It was completely unnatural though. No one should have to try that hard to make themselves happy when they could've easily just stop doing the things that made them unhappy in the first place. I woke up one day and I just knew that all of these things are not right for me and I should do something about it. So therefore, I said Sayanora. It was hard, but it was so bittersweet.
I never intended to break anyone's heart, let alone hurt anyone in general. It just happened. I beat myself up for the longest time not knowing what to do. I thought by staying I was doing the right thing but I ended up hurting more people than I was trying to save. And that sucks you know? unconsciously hurting someone that you cared about. At least I know better now. I can really say I've learned a lot, and I also learned how to treat people better. Most importantly, I learned how to treat myself, and my heart.
By the end of the day, I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes for reasons we may not know of, but given time, it'll make sense. If not now, then eventually. I'm not saying the rest of our lives is predetermined for us already, I just think that things that happen are meant to happen one way or the other. Good or bad, it'll teach you and mold you for a better future and a better you.
Life is such a blessing, and have been too kind to me. I never felt completely content or happy with
all the areas in my life. I've always had a great support system, my family are my rock, and I love them to death. Not until the beginning of this year, I became a lot closer to some people, and little did I know, they're the kind of friends I've been looking for my whole life. I guess I wasted time with a few wrong ones, but it only makes my friendships now much more valuable to me. I've always been picky with who I spend my time with/on, nowadays, I find myself completely lost in time. What can I say? Life has a weird way of unfolding.
