And I know that sometimes, it's going to rain.

I feel good. Like not an 'I don't care anymore' kind of good, but a relieved kind of good. I mean I don't have to fight anymore, I don't have to convince myself that things will get better, I know it will get better. I guess I just fought with it for so long that it became a routine, it became a struggle, it became something I knew will keep happening. And now, it stopped.

I know we just have to work ten times harder now if we want it to work, but if it doesn't then it doesn't. I can't force to feel what's not there and deny what really is. It may be hard, it may take time, but in the end, it'll all be worth it.

I had a talk with Kim today when I got home about relationships basically. And for me, I never rant or talk to someone about my personal relationship or let them know how I really felt about it. I told her my deepest concerns and I didn't feel sad. I mean, I realized all of those things while I was saying it and in my head, all I could think about was,"Wow...who the eff actually puts up with this shit for someone?" And then I remembered, apparently I do. I'm too much of a hopeless romantic to believe that love is overrated. As I was telling her, I could hear myself becoming more angry and loud like I wanted to burst, then I stopped. Suddenly I felt nothing at all. I didn't feel sad, I couldn't cry, I felt as if it's nothing to feel sad or angry about. It's just another lesson I suppose? Something to make me realize how strong I really am, how much of a good girlfriend I really am. And I never doubt that. I feel happy because I know I didn't do anything wrong in my part of being a girlfriend. I did all I could, it's not up to me anymore, I can't put all the effort, they need to meet me halfway. If not then it's not worth it, it's that easy. I'm so used to being emotionally independent that I don't want to depend on someone else to make me happy.

I've got so many things figured out. My heart isn't burden, my mind is at a calm state, and I feel absurdly happy. I don't know if that's a good thing in my situation but why question it. Call me crazy for being too optimistic but I'm just not sad. I mean maybe a little part of me is confuse where I want this to head, I'm unsure if I really do want to be with him or not, but the most part of me is just letting go of all the bad emotions because it doesn't bother me. It's not mediocre. I'm happy...

Take every opportunity you get to allow yourself to be happy, life's out there waiting for you to live it =) Why worry while we're still young. I'm not naive, I'm just simply growing.