in reality,

Great accomplishments take time but are always worth the effort.

I will get where I want and nothing in this world can stop me. It cannot shoot me down, it cannot change my beliefs and views. I won't let it. I believe in myself too much to just let it all go down the drain if I ever fall. I've fallen down so many times before, sometimes on my face, and it hurts to the core but there's nothing you can do but get back up, patch those wounds and get on with your life.

I just received a letter from Khoi, I'm still so jittery from reading it. I miss him so damn much...graduation is in a couple of days and I won't get to see him or the guys. I need to start praying harder, because I can't do much right now but just have faith. I feel so happy that I heard from him but at the same time, it's hitting me so much harder. I keep thinking to myself every night,"how did this happen? How could this happen?" It just sucks so bad right now because things are falling in and out of place. One thing is good, then something else gets worse. Just so unbalance...there's nothing I can do right now but to stay positive because it won't make things any better if I just remain sad. My life is how I make it, and I'm going to make everyday better.

I really want to partake this part from the book I've been reading.

"I'm embarrassed by how little effort on his part it took for me to come back or stay. I was so desperate for him to love me, to want me, to fight for me that I was literally grateful for any mere scrap of effort. I'd made excuses for his inability to treat me well that even the smallest gesture was amplified in my head."

I can't say enough how much I love this book. It relates to me in so many ways, for the most part because it's a breakup book. Hahaha. But it made me realize so much, made me become a better person. Allowed me to really figure out what I wanted and didn't want. It made me stronger and set better standards for my next relationship, and for myself. It's not occurring now, but it did then. That's exactly how I felt, those exact words was literally how I felt. And I'm going to end this blog with the line that made me realize just because he treated me bad, it didn't make him a bad person. It didn't work out because we were both in a relationship, but not a relationship together. To be really honest, he was such an amazing person but "two great people can get together and have horrible chemistry."

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I am amazing and I know that whoever is going to be with me is going to be hella lucky because I have so much love to give and I do have the best intentions. I'm caring and I will always try to be there. I'm being completely honest, it may sound like I'm conceited but trust me, I know who I am and know my best qualities when I see it. Although sometimes I can be unreasonable and bratty at times, I'm just being honest with how I feel and what I want. I deserve only the f*cking best. Honestly, I would never settle especially if someone doesn't deserve me. I don't care if I'm going to be tough in a relationship because I have my standards. I am not going to stick around and continue being in relationships where I'm not happy. I'm not afraid to pull the plug because I rather have it hurt me now then be hurt the whole time and it'll just hurt so much more later on. Bottom line, if someone wants you then they should not do shit to jeopardize their chances of having you. I'm saying this in general. Obviously I want to be with someone who treats me right and know what they have when they have me. Why would I want to get myself in relationships that have the same scenarios as my past ones? There's a reason why those didn't work out so I wouldn't want to continue going down the same road. They're called mistakes so you can learn and move on to bigger and better things.