fade into you,

Beach yesterday with Alisa, Eric and Vu at Newport Beach was really fun =) Ran into Andy Phung there. Got Seaside after we swam, I forgot how relaxing it was to just sit at the beach, tan and swim. I miss reading at the beach, I miss Seabridge, I love having the wind at my back and the sun at my face.

We headed back home around 8ish, Eric dropped me off at Dotty and Kat's house then I showered and felt so clean, no more sand in my bathing suit. We were supposed to go to the gym but instead we headed to Guppy House in Irvine, had a major food coma afterward =)

Summer has been mellow, adventurous but mellow. I miss last Summer a lot, the people, the things I did, the people I did things with, but things changed, and I'm still grateful for everything.

Johnny left to Vietnam yesterday, didn't get to see him before he leave! And Sonic's coming back a week after Johnny arrives. I miss my other guys =(

I think you lie too much and honestly, I don't care. I don't feel anything for you for the things you do to affect me. I just see you as every other guy who lies and will say anything to have me. You lie to get into my heart and you keep assigning me yours. You're so repulsive that it scares me...I feel like when we talk I'm going to be in danger. My heart isn't even with me right now, I actually don't know where it is. Or that's what it feels like. I feel like my heart is gone a long time ago so I can't give it to anyone.

I've been having a lot of dreams about you and your family. And they're not always good dreams but sometimes when they are, I wish they were real. I don't know, I just want to be in your life. But I can't. I want you to be there for me, I just want to be there for you like how we were back then from the beginning. I do miss you, God knows I really miss you. I really miss your family, I miss your aunt, I miss Twinkle and Moonshine. It's kind of like,"can we not be together but I still get to play with your aunt's dogs?" Ha ha. ridiculous I know, if only things were that simple. I know deep down, I miss who you were when you made me happy, I miss the thought of you, I'm just fading into you...