Catching my breath,

I'm mentally happy but I've been physically drained.

I've been sick ever since I got back from Diana's house. I knew that all of the going out late at night and not eating daily would eventually catch up to me. I'm trying to stay home more often though, I mean I already do but stay home at night because I should start sleeping early. I heard so many 'I told you so' before but I'm determine to actually do it. I've been feeling so physically weak, I'm not even kidding. And I haven't gone to the gym lately so I just feel lazy and weak. And I just get lazy and as days go by my stomach just keeps getting smaller and smaller. I was so close to passing out yesterday morning when I was out running errands with keeemba & tifffy. Went to a few places to look for a birthday outfit for Tiff since she's going clubbing this week and since I already hated shopping, it was killing me ten times worse.

I haven't had a chance to put my thoughts down, matter of fact to do anything. A lot is always happening but as of lately I've been hanging out with Diana =) Friday night plans didn't follow through for us so that night we went out with some of the guys which kind of made up for our plans not working out. Sleptover her house and we ended up talking until 6 in the morning and didn't wake up later on that day until 5 in the evening. She was still asleep so I had to wake her up and I'm never the first one to wake up, ever. We just sat around, talked some more, then around 2 we got picked up, and we went to Seaside =) Diana and I were extremely drained though due to sleeping too much. I seriously love her so much, I love talking to her because she understands absolutely everything and I love being there for her as well. The night before I got bit by an unfamiliar bug and it made my leg swelled up like a tumor. The size finally reduced over the week, thank goodness for Benadryl so I stopped scratching, but now it's extremely purple so I have to go to the doctors to get it check. I always try my best to stay healthy and not get sick and now I'm finally sick.

Honestly, I know I'm not lucky. Bad things always happen to me on a daily but I can either complain or not let it knock me down. Seriously though, everything else that's good in my life just makes it that much better for me. I will forever be truly blessed. I thank Buddha for that and most of all, the people in my life. A lot of times people think I don't care about certain things or that I'm always optimistic but it's only because I don't want to let any of the bad things get to me. I'm scared, of course I am scared of so much. I'm just living my life like it's my last because anything can happen, so many bad things can happen and of course I'm afraid but I just have to fight against it and hopefully, I will win. Any kind of surgery scares me, being in the hospital scares me or feeling so physically weak scares me. I really just want to get it over with so I don't have to worry about anything. The last thing I want on my mind is what tomorrow is going to be like.

There are slight moments where I'm extremely frightened by what the future holds, but then I just realize that there is just that much more to look forward to. So this week is Tiffy's 23rd birthday party and I cannot wait to just play with my ohana :) And then one of my dream is actually coming true. TAKING BACK SUNDAY & BLINK 182 ON SEPTEMBER 14th<3333333 I am so ecstatic, this will honestly make me sooo happy. I'm like a die hard fan of Taking Back Sunday and I get to see Blink 182 reunited and playing together. I really can't wait! =) Music has always been a big part of my life, I think it's a big part of everyone's actually. Just a line from a song can totally hit you straight to your heart because it says exactly how you feel. I know for my tattoo I want it to be music related but not music notes because a lot of people happen to already have it. I'm just excited for everything right now, I don't know why. I'm feeling so happy, it's unexplainable.

On a much heavier note, I will finally get to see Khoi next week. I don't know how I'll feel, I know that once I see him I'll start crying just because my heart is so weak willed. Seeing him will really make me accept what's going on. Deep down, in some sort, I was in denial with all of them. I just wanted to believe that they moved somewhere or they're at home hanging out far away, not in there. I guess I just have to see it for myself to really believe it. And this Friday is going to be Phoenix's birthday, I can't wait to visit him. Oh how things has change so much ever since last year. I know in the end, good or bad, I just need to have faith<3