never better,

Today's my relax day, I can finally stay home and sit with chocolate and watch a movie. I feel the need to be home more, not that I go out to party or anything a lot, since I'm always at the gym or doing something with my cousins, if not chill with the guys here and there.

I can't put myself out there, I would not ever want to. I'm not swearing off anything, just I want to do things that makes me happy and if the best thing to do is to just do my own thing then I will. I don't want to think or even deal with complications that is unnecessary so I'm trying my best to stay away from anything that can possibly trouble me.

I can't turn in my job application yet because my teacher is on vacation. Everyone's been trying to find a Summer job and I'm trying to find a more permanent job because I really do have all the time in the world to manage a job at the same time as everything else. Plus, I love working so I can handle a lot of hours. For some reason I just really love to work. I feel useful when I'm working and in the end it's all worth it. I've been feeling helpless lately, not so much helpless; more like useless. Sometimes I feel so spoiled because I don't have much responsibilities but I know I'm not materialistically spoiled since I never ask for anything and I hate to shop. I don't want to work at the OCfair for so many reasons, to me it's just labor work really. And plus, I don't want to be out in the sun a lot otherwise I'm going to get super dark. That's a minor reason, I know. I can easily deal with getting dark but I just think that being tan looks so dirty...Some people look nice tan, I am not one of those people. And I don't want to go from looking Vietnamese/White to Filipino/White. A job is a job though, I'm just contemplating on what I should do. I should suck it up and go through with whatever I can because I'm capable of so much.

Taking Back Sunday and Blink 182 is performing together in September, now for sure I have to go. I swear to Buddha, I would totally just faint once I see Blink 182 perform together as a band again. I'm not even going to start with Taking Back Sunday, I will finally be allow to go to other concerts since I vow that TBS would be my first concert! So if I go to this one, I can finally go to the other ones =) This week is packed with events, I'm glad I didn't get caught up in the party scene and now I'm doing my own thing and meeting amazing people. I'm really living my life to the fullest extent and I never see things more positive.

I don't want to say nothing can hurt me, because truth is I'm not always as strong as I put myself up to be, but I know that I can always endure whatever comes my way. I may be scared sometimes, but I do things willingly with risks and in the end it's always worth the fall.