what happens in Vegas,

It was quite interesting, extremely last minute and a stupid idea but fun at the same time. I can't say much because you just have to be there to know what it was like. Ha ha ha, I'm so lazy to post up pictures but I know I eventually will, I just don't know when. Anyway, a day in Sin City...

I've been lazy to blog, or I always have too much to say. I feel so at home with myself now, I don't know, I just feel like all the things I do, I do it for myself and no one else. And it feels great.

I always contradict myself when it comes to guys. Honestly, if I start falling for someone and I don't want to anymore, I just stop. It's not that easy, I know. Your head and your heart isn't always at the same place but I know deep down what's best for myself so my heart suddenly knows what is best as well. I have to admit though, I hate being "the best friend." The one guys come to to talk about their girl problems. I don't mind, like honestly I'm always down for my friends and I'm always willing to help, but it's different when you feel something there but you just have to be happy for them. Thennnn, later if things don't workout with them and whoever they realize it was you all along. It's such a routine to me, and right now I feel like no one can have me. That's just how it is.

I've been pushing people away a lot lately, it feels...nice. Just the part where I can be carefree and not have to worry about anyone or anything. I've always been like that, I always isolate myself from everyone and just do my own thing. I don't completely push them away enough to seem like I don't care or that I don't want them in my life, but to just keep my distance. Most people do know that's just how I am and I'm not going to change that. I do make effort for my part, and I can give you all the reassurance in the world and be there for you physically and mentally, but in the end I just enjoy being alone.