oh my gosh,

I am so ridiculously sad today. Probably due to the gloomy weather...or because my job interview just left me feeling so out of place. Obviously right after the interview I started analyzing myself and what I should've/could've done, and how I wish it went better. I came in confidently then when I got out I'm like,"I could've done better." And because this is my first interview, I really don't even know what a good interview would be like. Right now, I'm just awaiting for them to call and I feel like I could've done A LOT better. I'm not getting my hopes too high but now I'm just doubting myself. I'm always harsh on myself, I know, just, I know what I'm capable of and when I don't live up to my potential I'm disappointed.


And thinking about you makes my mind boggle even more. I really hate this, I hate being the best friend. The one you get close to because you need help with girl problems when I'm right there. Stop going through all of this trouble to hang out with me or talk to me when you're not even trying to be with me. I don't even want to be with you, like my mind doesn't want it and I know it and I tell myself I can't be with you. I can't see myself ever with you, we're completely differently. But why do you do the things you do? I feel like how I felt back then when I started to talk to Kevin, and we got really close, but never ended up together until months later. I guess this is the reason why I don't give people chances because I never know what's really going on. You're never consistent with me, you're never consistent in general. I'm talking complete nonsense right now, this is so not me, but I just somewhat needed to vent.


On a much lighter and happier note,
I'm going to see TAKING BACK SUNDAY, BLINK 182 AND WEEZER tomorrow. Finallllllllllllly, finally, finally. I really need this.