Hi world I'm back,

And I'm ready to truly pour out my heart. I know I always put up a front like everything's fine and smooth sailing and that I'm tough all the time like nothing hurts, but it's not even like that. I don't know what's going on with my life lately, or even with me, but I feel completely lost. I have no idea who I am anymore...I'm completely broken on the inside. And I have been. And to be honest, I don't know who I am anymore. I am boring, I have no personality, I have no purpose. What and who have I become? My mentality in life was to live life on the edge, just make sure I don't fall. But I'm nowhere close to living on the edge. I was ruthless and reckless and I could care less what the world thought of me. Now, I feel as if the whole entire world is watching me and I try to be the good girl all the time. I mean, can't I have fun, be ruthless, be reckless and crazy and still be the good girl? Or does it never work that way? I can't ever seem to balance anything in my life or get my priorities straight. That's something I won't ever know about; balance. I'm eager to change myself for the better but I don't even know how. I'm trying to identify the problem I have with myself and in my life and take initiative to change it, but possibly, my problem is just me. I'm not happy anymore...I haven't been for a long time. And to be honest, I never felt so lonely and broken in my life.