change of heart,

This morning before I went to sleep, I had every intention of breaking it off with Johnson. It was just a thought, a consideration, an analyzed situation. Why out of nowhere? Well, because...I feel as if myself as a whole am not stable to be in a relationship. I'm corrupted and broken, and pieces of me are still missing so I just felt as if I should be at my best first so I can offer someone the best of me. But then I realized, I will always be broken, I will always be corrupted. There will always be pieces missing in my life, and that's not something I can change. I can only better myself from there. And if I'm worth it, he'll stay by my side through my bad times and good times. Who knows how long it will take for me to fully recover, and I don't want to miss out on love, let alone miss out on being with him. Yeah it's going to be tough, it's going to be hard, but I want to work it through with him each and everyday and have my feelings grow for him. I don't want to stop myself from falling for him. I tend to do that to every guy. I limit myself how much I can feel for them and I don't allow my feelings to grow for them more, but I should give this a try. I should let myself be happy.