Floating back to shore,

The world is slowly making sense to me. I don't know what I did but I lost myself for a minute there. I let myself drift away, into the sea, and I never saw land until now. I don't know how my heart really feels, because sometimes, I close my eyes and all I think about is being alone. I picture myself way better off by myself than to be with someone. I just don't want to get attached to him, or this feeling, so I don't allow myself to miss him. Rather, I try to make him miss me. It always feels better when the other person wants you more than you want them. But that's not the right mentality. What is anymore? But the main reason why I keep my guards up is because I don't trust him. I just don't. He does things when he's drunk and he doesnt' even remember doing them. How can anyone have a stable relationship with someone like that who's friendly with every single girl he's around, even when I'm not around? If there's not trust, there's not love. There's nothing there. There's no relationship. But how can I trust someone like that? How? I can just take a risk and give it a try and put my trust in him, even knowing I might get hurt, or I can just be smart about it and not let him in. I really don't know what to do. But we're good though, we're good right now. Everything's sooth sailing.

And somehow, for some universal reason, Tin and I are becoming like best friends or something. Not even kidding. He said I'm the closest person to him and we've been talking almost every single day on the phone for the past few months. I'm so glad we're close though, because I feel like I can talk to him about anything. I can really let my guards down around him and for the longest time, I can actually tell someone my problems. He doesn't only listen but he gives me feedbacks, honest truths and nothing more. I know we used to like each other, and feelings don't go away, they just fade away but can always come back but I'm glad we are where we are now. I wouldn't have it any other way<3