Piece by piece,

I was seeking closure for the longest time. For a year, almost two, I've been seeking closure in the smallest things, in the smallest places, hoping that one day I would finally get it. From what I feel that I have learned is that with relationships, you will never fully receive closure after a break-up. At least not for me. At one point or another, one person was upset at someone else, there were things left unsaid, there were feelings that had been cut off without any warning. You will never get the answer that you need, at least not in the ways that you want anyway.

I don't know what kind of answer I was looking for, but I've always felt like there were some unfinished business. It recently occurred to me that maybe the only closure I needed was with myself. The only approval I needed was my own, not the approvals from people who didn't matter. Maybe, I AM the only person who determines everything. Or at least determine my attitude and outlook on the situation. Maybe things were unfinished. The words we spoke, the feelings that lingered; but that doesn't mean I should drag it out any longer. I have made peace with the fact that you will always be my first love, and I will never forget about you. Nonetheless, we are not the same people we used to be and the only thing that I can hold onto are memories that we had shared and the lessons that I've learned.

Now it's up to me to take what I've learn from my past relationship, and apply it to my previous or future ones. I will not allow myself to be the same girl I used to be. I look back and I feel kind of stupid. I was an insecure, naïve, hopeless romantic that wore her heart on her sleeves. And after awhile, I admit, I was damaged. I was broken. You broke me. But I picked myself up and carried on. People might've seen it as me moving on too fast or not caring but the thing is, I couldn't go around carrying my old damaged self to people so I tried my best to pull myself out of the shitstorm I allowed myself to be in.

I've changed. I have grown. A lot. I have realized things about myself and my potential in being a really good girlfriend. The questions that used to keep me up at night was,"what did I do wrong? Was it me? Was it because I was unhappy with myself? Or was it you and how you were?" And then I realized, regardless of how many faults we had, or how many good memories we had...I finally realized, the past is the past. There's nothing I can do to change that but take in what I've learn to better my future. Pondering for so long can only get you so far but it still doesn't change a thing so why dwell on what happened a long time ago? I was spoiling my present by being hung up on the things that I didn't have control over anymore.

I've finally given myself closure. I told myself that it's okay and it's going to be okay from here on out. That it's going to be okay if I fall in love with someone else. That maybe this person isn't going to hurt me. And even if it goes down the same road, at least I know I did everything that I could and I wasn't scared to take any chances. I'm done being the girl who's too proud for love because I didn't want to give anyone the power to hurt me. I know now that I'm bound to get hurt eventually or along the way, but it's up to me to find someone worth suffering for and for the most part, it's up to the person that I'm with to not take advantage of that and I can only hope that they will take care of me and my heart.