Tough times don't last, but tough people do.

Sometimes, all it takes is just a little time to realize how good you have it. I've always acknowledged how lucky and blessed I am. The difference with before was that it was a fact that I was lucky and blessed. I had a roof over my head, food to eat, the opportunity to do what most could dream about but can't do. I was happy because if I wasn't, I'd feel ungrateful and unappreciative. But inside, deep down, parts of me were very unhappy. I had feelings that could possibly be considered illogical, but humans feel what they feel whether they like it or not. Trust me, I didn't like it one bit but I couldn't help it. I realized, I was mostly unhappy with myself.

I admit, I was insecure. It wasn't the criticism of others that made me feel little, it was my own opinions and criticism to myself that kept me down for so long. I don't know why, but I kept beating myself up for every little thing that went wrong. I guess I felt like I wasn't good enough...I don't even know what I didn't feel good enough for, but I felt in some ways that I wasn't worth it. That I couldn't do something. That I was stuck.

Instead of seeing the beauty in things, I did the total opposite. I've always been tough, stubborn, hard-headed, you name it. I'm the kind of person who won't allow others in because they hate to be seen vulnerable. Being vulnerable to me has always meant that you're weak. All I ever did was try to be strong, and I didn't let myself be sad. Ever. I didn't let myself be mad, angry, upset, anything. And when I actually was, I'd snapped myself out of it. Because of all that, I guess I became numb with my feelings. I was to the point I didn't even want to have any feelings. I don't want that at all though.

I was tough on a lot people and gradually pushed people away. I just felt like everyone was a bad person. Everyone but me. That I was the victim. And I realized now, that maybe the problem was me. The problem wasn't because I had problems, I'm entitled to feel however I want about whoever I want, but the problem was that I never spoke up. I voiced everything. I bottled it because I thought it was the best, and when I least expect it, it all just came out. It was horrible to be honest. I didn't even know I felt so much towards something. I neglected the problem.

But now, here I am. I'm slowly but surely becoming a better person. At least in my opinion, and I think that's the only opinion I should care about. I've loosen up a lot over the past few weeks/months, and I've been trying a new thing...being honest with my feelings. And honestly, I've never been happier. I know I have a few minor issues here and there, but there's nothing that I can't handle. I'm just glad and extremely thankful for the people who have stuck by even when I was at my worst to them.

I have such an amazing boyfriend who loves and adores me, and I have such awesome friends who I share the best laughs with. Things at home are getting kind of different, we're all slowly drifting because some people got their own priorities, some are just more important than others, but I know it won't be long until we are all glued together again. Like Bob Marley said,"don't worry, everything's going to be alright."♥