I will follow you into the dark,

I was dreading getting out of bed for work today. Not because of work itself, because I love work, but I wanted to lay in bed for a little bit more with Johnson. Every morning when one of us wake up, we turn over and hug each other. Most of the time, it's always him since I can sleep in until forever. Today as I was getting ready, I just jumped on the bed and cuddled with him until I had to leave. It was nice.

I am very well aware that I have full control of my emotions, my actions, and mostly myself. Everything I do determines the results in my life. Good and bad. I've learned to really live in the moment, even if in that moment something can be bad for me, but only in that moment have I lived and it was everything I want. No regrets here.

Live for those nights that turn into mornings,

Deuces girls in the houuuuse! =)

On our way.

The only person who has never been sober around me, ever.

Birthday boy turned 21.

The wall behind me seemed like it was melting. And so was my brain.

LA showed me a good time.

I had a really eventful weekend. Started off my week with the girls, danced 'til we cramped up. Then Friday the next day I had lunch with my mom before I took her to work. I love her sososo much. I want to just hug her all the time. Afterward, headed to LA with Johnson, Timmy and Will for Jarrod's birthday. Plaaaay time. But we had to end the night early and woke up for the Orisue sale this morning. Came there around 11, got our tickets, chilled, played ball, took pictures. Now I can finally relax my legs and mind in bed doing absolutely nothing at all.

If things around you don't change, change the things you're around.

As I was laying in bed yesterday for 6 hours straight, I couldn't sleep. My eyes was getting tired, I was getting sleepy, but I couldn't fall asleep. All I did was think...think for 6 hours straight. That's all I've been doing for the past 12 years of my life. I never sleep, I can never fall asleep right away even if I tried. I just lay there and daydream or think. I thought about everything that I could possibly think of. Love, life, myself. I did a lot of analyzing and reevaluating.

I am very much happy with myself and with my life, but...there are things and certain areas that I can change to make it better. I want to change things around this year and I'm more than motivated to do so. I'm determined.

I'm excited for school, even though I've always hated it. School was never for me. From the first day of kindergarten I even remembered crying and not wanting to leave the house 'til the day I was dunzo with it. I knew I hated it. But I know, school's very important. It took me the hard way to finally realize and accept that. In order for me to become even more successful in life, I got to do good in school. I'm thankful and grateful for having the most supportive family in the world. My mom has never pushed me to do anything that I didn't want to. She allowed me to grow as my own person and to learn from my own mistakes, and because of her, I am who I am today. My sisters, my cousins, everyone around me. They watched me fall, they watched me get back up and let me do things at my own pace. They support me with what I choose to do and not judge me. And for that, I am forever grateful for the people in my life.

I have to start going to the gym again. I went to the doctors recently and I'm considered underweight, even though I don't feel/look like it at all. I have to eat more and exercise often. I'm limiting myself to drinking beer at least once a month only. Ha ha ha, I want this beer belly gone. Also, I am going to try my very hardest to sleep early, and, eat more meat. Most importantly, save up money for my car/project.

I am ready to take on these challenges. I don't know what's exactly in store for 2011, bu I know that no matter what happens, everything's goin to be okay. Havefaith, always

Welcoming the new year with open arms,

I ended 2010 more perfect than I could imagine, with some of the people I love the most and with my significant other. We all gathered at Mikey's, and once the clock hit 11:30, we took shots until the countdown. Right at 12, I looked over at Johnson and he says to me,"you're my first new years kiss, ever." And in that moment, I felt really important for some reason. More important than usual.

I look back at 2010 and I feel like it was such an amazing year. I started out 2010 by myself, being closed-off, isolated and I was the kind to not let anyone in. Shortly after, I met Johnson and things changed a lot. When we met, we were both starting off sort of fresh, no baggage, no burden; we didn't even know each other when we met. But for sure, we clicked right away. We were both slightly damaged as well, with our past relationship. Soon after, we both healed from the help of each other. Quickly and surely. After seeing each other for awhile, we officially became a couple, we both then saw each other changing; for the better. He quit drugs after we became official. I even told him that he didn't have to do anything if he didn't want to. It wasn't because I didn't care whether the person I am with is doing drugs or not, it's for the fact I realized that I don't want to be that person to try to make him stop living the way he has been living just for me. I knew in my mind, I didn't have the rights to tell someone how to live. I didn't have that rights over him, let alone, over anyone. Yet, he still quit for me. I became less cynical and less bitter overtime. My heart got so much nicer, and I wasn't that girl I resulted to anymore after dating my ex. I then saw myself letting him in and the people around me. I realized, all I ever have to do is be honest with my feelings. I realized, not all couples have to argue or fight, or I don't have to cry every night. I realized, not all relationships are the same. I realized, I grew up. It was because the way I used to deal with things were not the best ways, and I've learned to handle things differently now.

Now our one year is just right around the corner and to be honest, it doesn't even feel like almost a year. Everyday is so effortless. Everyday doesn't feel like work. And just because I don't love him yet, doesn't mean I never will, or it doesn't mean I don't care for him. Just because I don't plan out our future or say things like, I want to marry him or he's the only person for me forever, doesn't mean he's not for me now. I'm a live-in-the-moment-kind-of-girl, I just like to live in the moment.

2010 overall, I grew sososo much. I got my first real job, an office one, a kick-ass one, with two kick-ass bosses and I get to work with my sister. I did a lot of things, I made plenty of mistakes, I learned from them, I had fun, I lived. I really, really lived. And that's all that matters to me, because everyone dies but not everyone lives. That was cliché, but I feel so much for that line. I am sososo blessed to be given the opportunity to live such a life. To be this lucky to have things work out the way they do. I'm still very close to my mom and my ohana, and cuzzies are closer than ever. And to top off the year, my dad came back. Now, it may not be permanent and he may not be the same person anymore but I love him to death. I love him, I love my mom, I love my sisters, my dog Chocolate, my amazing friends and my life. I am prepared and ready for 2011.

I also cut three inches off of my hair out of spontaneity. I am living the life.