Happiness in all different shapes and forms,

It has always dawned on me whether or not I was a good person. Or further more of the question, am I good enough? Of course everyone at one point of another felt as if they were not good enough. I've always believed that you should try your best to your ability and full potential, but I often times find myself so lazy and inadequate with my goals, and basically changes that I want in my life that I fall short. I have also always believed that you should be the change you wish to see in the world. Yet, I never push myself to the limit and my fullest potential.

You see, I'm more of a free spirit. Not the 'I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass' type, just more of a 'I-do-what-makes-me-truly-happy' type. A lot of people always wonder, or see me as the happy-go-crazy kind of girl and the thing is, I enjoy being nutty, I enjoy being weird, I enjoy being me. But sometimes I wonder, is being me enough? Is being happy and carefree enough? I'm not saying I disregard my responsibilities. What I'm trying to figure out is, is it wrong to be happy just being? If that makes any sense. What if it doesn't make sense but it makes you happy? I guess you can also say there's a borderline of doing what's right, what's wrong, and what makes you happy. What if you're happy but you didn't reach your full potential? Should you just let everything go and just be happy or still go forth and do everything you're still supposed to do?

I love just simply being, I love not knowing sometimes. I'm not saying that I don't have any plans for myself, because I do, I have big plans for myself. I just wonder sometimes if there is anything wrong or if it's possible simply doing nothing, being nothing, having nothing, and still be happy.


JenniferAnne xx

Inhale, exhale

2012 has been treating me really well. Honestly, it's crazy how fast time flew by. I was conntemplating recently if I should make a new Blogspot or not just because I want to kind of leave the past, or whatever was on here, behind. Officially. I mean, I did with Xanga and that was a whole other part of me. I light-weighted to Tumblr but came back here majority of the time for more personal use, but I somewhat want to just start off with a clean slate. I have a lot, and I mean a lotttttt of memories on here but sometimes,"you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading old ones." I know I have tad bit of a problem with the past. I like to bring it up, reminisce about it, and, or cling onto it. Sometimes, really, all you need to do is just let go and accept things for what it used to be and for what it is now. Easy as that.

Sayanora 2011, alooo 2012! =)

2011 was not my best year, but it was a good year overall. Every year, every day I mean, you're always learning, you're always growing, you're always hurting, and you're always healing. When it all comes down to it, it's not what scarred you that you'll look back on, it's your attitude and how you pulled through that matters the most. And if anything, if in the moment it was complete sh*t, for the most part you can laugh about it years later.

I've come a long way from how I used to be. I used to be less opened about things, I used to not be able to be honest with myself about my feelings, therefore, I wasn't honest with that many people. I still am a private person, but I'm slowly but surely letting those who are worth it in my life. I'm still the exact same girl with some of the same habits and I'm still the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. But a lot about me has changed too. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's for the better or for the worse; sometimes it doesn't feel much of a difference. All I know is that for the first time in my life, I am sure of where I want to be in life. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something for myself and I'm striving for my own happiness. I'm not thinking about what that person wants, what this person thinks of me, I'm not thinking about anyone else but myself. And for the first time ever, I am content with the thought of being selfish.

This year, I want to be able to make a difference, make a change, not only in my lifestyle but me as a whole. I want to be the best version that I can be, and better myself every single day to the best of my ability. I understand that a new year doesn't mean it's a new clean slate. The problems you had in 2011 doesn't just go away unless you do something about it. Just because it's a new year, doesn't mean that everything else is forgotten. But you can have a new attitude. I've always been known to be the positive, life-affirming, optimist. Mainly because I've always been positive to others, but now, I need to learn how to be positive to myself as well. I am given the opportunity and chance everyday to do something that I've always wanted to do. A chance to be brave, a chance to be courageous, a chance to do things I've never done before, and I know that I'm more lucky than mosts who don't even have the option. I'm going into 2012 with a more positive attitude than ever, and in the future, if there are certain obstacles that I find hard to face, I'll just have to fight through it and hope for the best. Life's too short to be scared, life's too short to be anything but happy.

Carpe Diem xx

Have you ever felt like you’re so f*cked up in the head, that no matter how hard you try to be normal or display that you’re normal, you know you will never be normal? That conditioning yourself to be a “normal” person doesn’t help the fact that you’re just a nut on the inside. No matter how logical you try to think or be, by the end of the night, you lay in your bed and it surprises you that you’re still a f*cked up, nutty, crazy person who’s just trying to find their own peace of mind and nothing ordinary or normal will ever change you. I believe that everyone is f*cked up and crazy in their own way. Believe it or not, the crazy philosophies or unrealistic thoughts that we have that we don’t think anyone understands, we’re probably not the only one thinking it. But because we’ve been taught the ideal of what normal is, we try to live up to that instead of being wild and free like we’re supposed to be.