in reality,

Great accomplishments take time but are always worth the effort.

I will get where I want and nothing in this world can stop me. It cannot shoot me down, it cannot change my beliefs and views. I won't let it. I believe in myself too much to just let it all go down the drain if I ever fall. I've fallen down so many times before, sometimes on my face, and it hurts to the core but there's nothing you can do but get back up, patch those wounds and get on with your life.

I just received a letter from Khoi, I'm still so jittery from reading it. I miss him so damn much...graduation is in a couple of days and I won't get to see him or the guys. I need to start praying harder, because I can't do much right now but just have faith. I feel so happy that I heard from him but at the same time, it's hitting me so much harder. I keep thinking to myself every night,"how did this happen? How could this happen?" It just sucks so bad right now because things are falling in and out of place. One thing is good, then something else gets worse. Just so unbalance...there's nothing I can do right now but to stay positive because it won't make things any better if I just remain sad. My life is how I make it, and I'm going to make everyday better.

I really want to partake this part from the book I've been reading.

"I'm embarrassed by how little effort on his part it took for me to come back or stay. I was so desperate for him to love me, to want me, to fight for me that I was literally grateful for any mere scrap of effort. I'd made excuses for his inability to treat me well that even the smallest gesture was amplified in my head."

I can't say enough how much I love this book. It relates to me in so many ways, for the most part because it's a breakup book. Hahaha. But it made me realize so much, made me become a better person. Allowed me to really figure out what I wanted and didn't want. It made me stronger and set better standards for my next relationship, and for myself. It's not occurring now, but it did then. That's exactly how I felt, those exact words was literally how I felt. And I'm going to end this blog with the line that made me realize just because he treated me bad, it didn't make him a bad person. It didn't work out because we were both in a relationship, but not a relationship together. To be really honest, he was such an amazing person but "two great people can get together and have horrible chemistry."

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I am amazing and I know that whoever is going to be with me is going to be hella lucky because I have so much love to give and I do have the best intentions. I'm caring and I will always try to be there. I'm being completely honest, it may sound like I'm conceited but trust me, I know who I am and know my best qualities when I see it. Although sometimes I can be unreasonable and bratty at times, I'm just being honest with how I feel and what I want. I deserve only the f*cking best. Honestly, I would never settle especially if someone doesn't deserve me. I don't care if I'm going to be tough in a relationship because I have my standards. I am not going to stick around and continue being in relationships where I'm not happy. I'm not afraid to pull the plug because I rather have it hurt me now then be hurt the whole time and it'll just hurt so much more later on. Bottom line, if someone wants you then they should not do shit to jeopardize their chances of having you. I'm saying this in general. Obviously I want to be with someone who treats me right and know what they have when they have me. Why would I want to get myself in relationships that have the same scenarios as my past ones? There's a reason why those didn't work out so I wouldn't want to continue going down the same road. They're called mistakes so you can learn and move on to bigger and better things.

stay positive,

Sometimes I guess things do have to get worse before they start getting better. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, and a bit lazy I might add. I feel as if I can do something about this but I'm not putting my full effort to try. I hate feeling helpless.

Right now I just want to get away. Not get away from anything, just go and play. It is Summer and I don't want to start it off with complications, especially when it's just internal conflicts that I'm dealing with myself and can easily get over. Kim and I went to drop Karina off at LAX this morning at 4 AM, she's going to North Carolina to visit her boyfriend. I would be too afraid to go on my own, but so far for this Summer, I have three destinations to go. Australia, Washington and San Francisco. I'm sure I'm not going to all three of them though. I can't wait for New York this Winter, just everything about it seems like a dream. And there's no one else I rather go with than my bestfraaand, lover, favoritest person in the world; my sister kimberly fatso nguyen =)

I feel like my life is being put on pause right now. I absolutely hate it, I just want to tell it to start already! I need change, I can easily adapt to things and I just want so much more out of life. There's nothing wrong with wanting more. I will never settle, no such thing as settling in my book. I want what I want and I deserve only the best.

I know that a lot of people think I'm always carefree and optimistic, but trust me, don't wish to be me. Set aside the fact that everyone should be their own person. But everyone somehow perceives me to be the girl to "have it all." I mean, I'm humble and I appreciate it. Just there is always more to me than meets the eye. Yeah I'm happy the majority of the time but I don't pull happiness out of nowhere. I make it happen for myself. Not only that but I'm not going to put myself out there when I'm weak so the world can use all of those reasons to knock me when I'm down. I do have my struggles, and to me, no matter how important or non mediocre your struggle may seem, it's your struggle and it makes you who you are today. I'm glad to hold myself strongly enough for people to at least know I'm always happy and positive, or always trying my best to live my life.

"You know life. That should be the new phrase. I know life. Or like "I am life." HAH."
-Henry Nguyen.

=')
Live the life you'll love, love the life you'll live.

forever ain't enough,

Cute little animals can always make me happy, on the real. I can be such a big softy (:

Alooo world, it doesn't really feel like Summer, I guess because everyday is like Summer for me. Ha ha ha. I'm anticipating for plans this Summer, I love those Summer nights. I enjoy deep talks with friends, especially when they really acknowledge everything you say and admire you for who you are =') I really miss the guys, I miss Khoi so much. I cannot wait for his letter to arrive, I hate dreaming about them because everything feels so surreal. I've really grown to appreciate, love and be there for my friends more than ever. I don't stick around for people who don't put effort, it just proves to me who really is going to be there by the end of the day and who's just going to leave. Hopefully hangout with Vinh soon too.

I cannot wait to go watch Up, I really want to watch it in IMAX but Keeemba told me it's not that different. I just want to go to Downtown Disney as well, and Summer means Disneyland! I hope to go to San Francisco this Summer, home sweet home =) I haven't been very productive lately, I haven't exercise for a very long time but there really isn't much weight to lose. I've been very lazy to eat and I think it always happens to me then I lose weight drastically. I have to eat more because I'm always tired even though I sleep a lot. I need to get my Paul Frank beach cruiser fix too because my tires have been popped for awhile so I haven't rode it around. Zooey also chewed my seat :( I have to give her away soon because we really can't keep her. I'm going to miss her so much though. She's like my witttto baby and I've grown so attached to her. My mom's birthday is in two weeks and Tifffy's birthday is next month and we're going to throw this big ole party for her =) "Indian Vs. Cowboys." So excited for all the events we're doing =) I hope this Summer would be eventful with nonstop adventures and spontaneity.

My recent hair color was brown with blonde highlights and everyone told me to go back to blonde =) But I didn't want to kill my hair so I dyed it to a softer ash blonde since my brown hair was already light. I somehow always like how my hair turns out even though I actually don't know what color it would look like but I'm always lucky enough to have it come out nicely. Also, I don't want to wear contacts anymore because people always mistaken me for another race, plus I want to get used to how I look without it. I think if you look good on the outside, you feel so much better inside =) Every girl, and I mean every single girl in this world should look in the mirror and tell herself she's beautiful. A lot of girls don't give themselves enough credit how they present themselves. Confidence is so important to me and it really brings out the best in you =)

Time stops for no one. Not even for me. I can spend days, hours, minutes, even seconds being sad or I can choose to live my life being happy because it's a much better used of my time. All the time I have in the world I can be helping others also. Life's too short to be anything but happy<3 style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">New memories to be made this Summer...

smile,

"If you can make a girl smile, you can make her do anything."
-Marilyn Monroe.

Besides being completely in love with Marilyn Monroe, I absolutely adore her. She's so inspirational and amazing =)

I believe that when you're mad, upset, sad, whatever it is, and someone tries or even attempts to make you smile, they already got your heart. It sounds so cliche but everyone just loves that feeling ya'know? It's sort of like a remedy that makes everything bad not so terrible afterall because you just forget why you were even upset in the first place.

I admit I've been feeling a bit vulnerable lately, and that's a terrible state I am not used to being in. At least since a very long time now. I've been so happy but I do have my days where it can't always be blissful. Sometimes things do get the best of me. As much as I try not to let it, I'm only one person and I can only handle so much. It's really nothing new to me though, because I've dealt with so many situations before that I can easily deal with it without hesitation. Just lately...I really don't know what has gotten into me. I feel like my mentality just isn't the same anymore. I feel so lost, like, not even the confuse kind of lost. Like I'm literally lost. I don't think I'm making any sense really. I'm always trying to be considerate about everything that I feel as if I'm scared to feel a certain way, or say something I really need to say. To actually take any risks. I'm the kind of person who seizes the day, I do as I please, I do what makes me happy, what's fun, what does scare me but I take a chance on it anyway. I'm just in a nutshell lately. I just feel as if while the world is moving around me, my feet is buried deep into the surface of the Earth and I'm stuck. It's not necessarily a bad thing to me, I don't feel as if it's mediocre enough to be bothered by, I just need to breathe sometimes.

Recent thoughts as of lately:
-I really, really, realllllly want to go on a vacation.
-With all the time in the world I'm always at home reading.
-San Fran, I miss you and your gloomy cold weather.
-I want to dye my hair again. I'm always changing the way I look, I love change, I crave it, it makes everything so much more exciting.
-I need to eat/sleep more.
-I really want my tattoo and I can actually get it, but a tattoo is really important to me so I really want to put more time and thought into it.
-I keep closing my piercings =(
-I haven't had a hamburger/cheeseburger for 3 months almost 4.
-I really miss being a vegetarian.
-Taking Back Sunday's old songs are better than their new ones.
-Having a really good old song play on the radio melts my heart.
-The Postal Service are the best, hands down.
-I want to play Halo 3.
-I can't wait to watch UP.
-Ohana time always makes me happy. Can't get enough of them.
-Yay for Taco Sundays at my house! =)
-You make me happy...most of the time.
-Okay, I lied. Almost all the time only because you're crazy.