I write to express, not to impress,

Honestly, I don't ever regret the things I say or the things I write on here because it's how I feel. I will never apologize for how I feel because it's just how I feel. You can't help the way you feel or force yourself to not feel anything. I won't ever just voice it either. This is me, on the real ya'know. If you can't deal with it then it's not my problem, but don't act like you know what's really going on with me or how I feel because you don't. Unless you got some clarification or confirmation straight from my mouth then don't act like you know and assume my intentions are out there to make you look bad or to hurt you. Don't ever look into things too much because there's always more to it.


Grunion running tonight was a bust because Seal Beach was crowded. But I had fun sitting on the sand spending quality time with my cuzzos and aunt pigging out and playing with Adrianne. I love nights like these. After awhile just headed home, I would've slept over but I'm playing volleyball tomorrow with the guys. When I got home found out Andrew went grunion running too but at Hungtington Beach and he got so much fishes :( Oh we0zzz, tomorrow (later today) will be a fun day for sure. Volleyball then beaching it, at night around 2 AM head out for the track meet and the next day volleyball again I assume. Ha ha ha. I'm so excited with Summer plans, partying really isn't my thing so I'm just not really down for them. I only like going to close friends kickbacks or parties where I know everyone rather than a random party. It just isn't my hype, I don't want to be that kind of girl to be out there. Definitely not my lifestyle, I should seriously move back to the bay area or somewhere else =) I belong in LA, I swear.


different<3

stuck with each other,

I'm currently loving that song right now, it's so cute =)

I know I believe in a lot of cliches and may be a bit naive but some things totally hits me straight to the heart and makes me melt.

I don't want anything with anyone, nonetheless, a relationship. I realized how reckless I can be with people's hearts but it's never my intentions to hurt anyone. Sometimes...it just happens. I do miss being with someone at times but who doesn't? It's pretty much only because you're so used to them or did like them a lot, in the end I feel so much more happier now. Surprisingly. And this bring me to a conversation I had with Henry awhile back, how guys really are. Especially how they are towards me. Sometimes I just feel like an object to them, or a thing, and I really hate to be a thing. I really want someone who would treat me more than that, like a human being and know how to sweep me off my feet at the same time. Everyone said I should be "flattered" but it just makes me feel as if everyone sees me for what is in front of them and not get to know me for who I truly am. People always have misinterpretations about me. I need someone who isn't shallow, who really wants me for me, because at least I know I can really be myself with them regardless whatever. For now, I'm just guarded.

1. We barely started being friends again, stop assigning me yours.
2. I hate how you're a jerk to me and I looked out for you.
3. I don't mean to hurt you by what I said, you just have to understAnd I can't help how I feel.
4. Zooey DesChanel is too perfect.
5. Matt and Kim-Daylight is my new favorite song.
6. SUPPPPPPP HENRY =)

Enough about that. I keep getting my dates all messed up, I talked to Patrick and kept thinking today is Friday. I think I'm way too excited for the track meet, I really can't wait to go. All I do is think about cars now, nonstop. I'm always thinking about cars, sadly I know more about cars than most of my guy friends. Ha ha ha. I've been hanging out with my guys a lot and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love them to deafffffffffffffffth! :) I love late nights with friends that turns into mornings, it's seriously the best thing. And volleyball all day, errrday? Even better. Hopefully James Tran will finish fixing my bike soon so I can go biking with Andrew starting next week at the beach. I'm really trying to get in shape because even though I'm only 99lbs it doesn't mean I'm necessarily healthy. Plus it doesn't hurt to stay fit so I'm planning to run more at the beach. I love being active, especially since it's Summer I just want to go out there and see the world. I'm so ready to conquer the world, one day at a time.

best I ever had,

I've been pretty lost for words lately. Like nothing, nothing at all can describe or even come close to explaining how I'm feeling lately. I've been feeling my best I guess, and I'm more than happy.

Well as of yesterday I gave Zooey away. I knew I couldn't keep her and had to give her away sooner or later but I didn't know it was going to be so soon. I am happy for her that she has a nice home and dogs to play with now but she was like my baby. I seriously cried so much just reminiscing about her. I don't cry a lot, sometimes I don't even cry at all, but I just couldn't stop bawling when I thought about her. I'm glad that her new owner is willing to keep me updated with her and let me come visit her whenever I want but it'll just be weird not having her around. No one to come and pound on my window at 9 in the morning, no one to steal my food out of my hand, no one to pounce on me nonstop, and whine for hours. Everyone loved her so much too and all of my friends loved playing with her. The cutest thing I will never forget about her is that she always growls and barks at her own shadow. She really made a lot of difference being around the house, all the things to the big things. From biting every single thing there is in my house, chewing on my Paul Frank seat, digging up all of these miscellaneous things from the ground, all the noises she makes, I wouldn't mind putting up with it. But at least I know that her owner is legit and is capable of taking good care of her. I'm so happy I got to keep her as long as I could. Goodbye baby, I will always love you Zooey<3


On a lighter note, Summer is just constantly getting better and better. I have this feeling of relief and I'm always so light hearted. I can't wait to go biking once I get my bike fixed, hopefully I won't get darker. Since I'm pale I don't get dark, I get sunburn =( Everything's gradually falling together though. I love being occupied, I love spending time with people I love and having time flies by like nothing because that's how much fun I'm having with them.

Had Thai Chili with my mom, Kim and Tifffy yesterday to make up for my mom's birthday. Food was really good but I recommend to never ever, get the Thai Tea ice cream from there because they never fully churn it. I got a really bad food coma afterwards though but I had such a great time talking to my siblings and my mom. I love spending time with them, they're like my main girls no doubt.

And this Saturday I'm sooo excited to go to the race track! =) I really, really, reallllllllly am hoping I do not get sunburn. I'm planning to do all of my permit and drivers stuff before July ends. Everyone's getting their license already and don't even have my permit but it's okay though, I talked to my mom and sisters about the car I'm going to get. I just want my car so bad that I'm trying to do all of my driver's stuff so I can get it as soon as possible =) I really want a black EVO now, it's sooo nice but I'm sticking with an AE86. I rather have a play car right now since I'm young and just work hard for a luxury car later on. Also I hope I get my job! =) It'll be sooo fun working, and I can't get the Bar & Grill job because I'm not 18 nor 21 to serve drinks anyway.

I hope all the surprises and adventures this Summer will just keep coming because I love it. I feel like I don't have time to think about unnecessary things and surprisingly, almost nothing at all bothers me. But I'm just going to take it in one day at a time and live my life =) It's so much better when you don't know where you're heading...


=)

"You're never single. And when you are, you can always get whoever you want." -CT.

I don't think that's true. And yes, I have not been single for a long while, only because I was in a relationship for two years, but it's not like I'm always going to be with someone. And I don't get whoever I want, honestly, I have liked guys I could not have before so I hate when people think I can get whoever I want. And not only that, but I hate when people think that just because I'm talking to someone or started becoming friends with someone I'm going to go out with them.